The Strangest Prey Ever Found In A Warriors Story
by BuTTErPelt2730
Summary: Please review if you can! This story is really random, really strange, really crazy, and a lot of people seem to like it! However, if you do not like these qualities, then I don't think this is your story! Kay? Kay! Bye!
1. HOLA, SNOWCLAN! YAYYY!

DISCLAIMER: we DO NOT OWN WARRIORS! SO THERE!

SNOW CLAN

LEADER: DarkStar – black and white she-cat with a scarred muzzle who's emotionally unstable (snowcloud is her therapist)

DEPUTY: snowcloud – furry small white tom with blue eyes

Apprentice: daisypaw

MEDICINE CAT: looooooongtail – a pale tabby tom with dark brown stripes unusually long tail (about 3 feet loooong)

Apprentice: daypaw

WARRIORS:

Brambleclaw (not the one from the original!): - big black and white tom that sings opera

Pinkpatch – large pink she-cat that sings opera

Pinkpool - small pink she-cat

Starnight – really really hyper small tan and brown she-cat

Nightwind – pretty wacky small swift black tom

Sunfur - golden she-cat with wings

Apprentice: herbpaw

Brindleflower: small scary Siamese cat who yells at her kits

Dirtpelt – hyper but not as hyper as starnight tan she-cat with white paws and muzzle

Trackfoot – speckled energetic she-cat with unusually furry ears

Earear – rabbit that joined the clan when nobody was looking because he thinks he's a cat- tan (rabbit colored) rabbit with um… rabbit ears

Twigface – gray tabby tom who was born an hour ago but darkstar likes him so she made him a warrior and he enjoys singing in family operas with his parents, pinkpatch and brambleclaw the second

Apprentices:

Daisypaw – white she-cat who is overly-obsessed with what her fur looks like

Herbpaw – little Siamese tom who is weally cuh-yoot and innocent

Daypaw – tortoiseshell she-cat – she's PURDY

QUEENS:

Orchidwhisker – fluffy pink she-cat

KITS – creamkit and ivykit

ELDERS:

Sockheart (don't ask) – old black soggy tom made out of socks; white on muzzle and chest

Butterpelt – REALLY REALLY old white she-cat who has a nasty temper, eats half (or more) of the food in the forest and enjoys swimming (and occasionally dating) the fish in the snowclan stream

AISHA CLAN:

LEADER: BLUEAISHA – a blue aisha with a flower on her ear

SERVANT: whiteaisha – a white aisha with a rainbow ring on his ear (incredibly wimpy)

DOGS/ELEPHANT ARMY:

MUFFIN – SPAZZY WHITE DOG WITH BROWN ON THE ENDS OF HIS EARS

MISSY – BROWN AND WHITE DOG WITH EYELINER ON

NANOOK – HUSKIE WHO DOESN'T REALLY DO ANYTHING

UM… elephant – a gray furry elephant who uh… has ISSUES

JUST TO LET YOU KNOW… ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS ARE BASED ON STUFFED AMINALS/BEANIE BABIES WHO WE PLAYED WITH AND DECIDED TO PUT IT ON FAN-FICTION!

CHAPTER 1

Pinkpaw smelled the night air; there was PREY around….. OOH! She quickly ran towards the smell of dragon, with her mentor, Brambleclaw, right behind her. "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO RUN! BE SNEAKY! SNEAKY I TELL YOU! MY GAWD!" he yelled.

The scent of dragon was LOST!  
"BUH-RAMBLECLAW! YOU LIKE, SCARED ALL THE PREY BETWEEN HERE AND FOURTREES!" All of a sudden, an OWL popped out. It was wearing a graduation cap and had a banner on that said "class of 2003". It had a "ty" tag sticking out of its wing.

"Hello, pupils! Now, we're going to learn about MATH! YAYYY!" Said the owl.

Pinkpaw whispered, " Brambleclaw, what's MATH?"

But Brambleclaw didn't hear her. "I've seen this owl before! He taught Darkstar about this… this… MATH! And she lost a LIFE! GAW!"

Pinkpaw stared at the owl in horror.

"Well now. Where shall we begin!" said the owl. "Let's start with the distributive PROPERTY! AhawhawhAWW! Now, 6(8 + y) equals…?'

Pinkpaw and Brambleclaw writhed on the ground in pain. The owl gazed upon them with an overly enthusiastic smile. Pinkpaw felt her senses begin to fade, but then, she heard rustling in the undergrowth!

"AAAIEEEEEEEEEE!" shouted Starpaw as she flew out towards the owl. "HIIIIIII!"she shouted. "I KNOW THE ANSWER! PICK ME! PICK ME! 48 +6Y!"

"AAAAAAH!" shouted the owl. "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW! AHH! I MUST FLEEEE! BUT I'LL BE BAAAAAAAACK!" He um, "owled" away into the darkness.

"Whew!" said Pinkpaw. "Thanks so much, Starpaw."

"Awwwww, it was NUTTIN'" said Starpaw. "I was supposed to be listening to Sunfur about flying, but then I got BORED. So, I flew over hear cuz I could hear youu goiys WRITHING."

"You _could?"_asked Brambleclaw. "That's not possible!"

Starpaw stared at him with a blank look on her face until Pinkpaw said, "I;m hungry! Let's catch some prey to bring home to Butterpelt and maybe, just MAYBE she'll let us have the BONES!"

"BON IDEE!" said Starpaw.

Pinkpaw tilted her head to one side, puzzled.

"Uh, good idea!" said Starpaw.

The three cats returned with an ostrich, a mouse, a dragon, a unicorn, a dog, a seahorse, and Thomas Jefferson. When they arrived, Sunfur was at the camp entrance with a twitching eye and tail.

"STARPAW!" she enraged. "WHERE THE HECK WERE YOU? I WAS TRYING TO TEACH YOU THE MOST BORING THING ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET, AND YOU RAN OFF! HOW COULD YOU? WHY?"

Starpaw stared at her mentor. "'Cause," she replied.

"Oh, okay," said Sunfur. "Nice catch!"

"Thanks!" said Starpaw, proudly gazing down at the 3rd president of the united states. "I used that technique you taught me on how to stalk political figures."

"Awww, you make me SO puh-roud!" Said Sunfur.

Starpaw gazed at her mentor with a smile too big to put into words.

"So do you think that it's time they became WARRIORS?" Asked Brambleclaw with a look of pride at his apprentice, who really hadn't done anything special at all.

"WHY, OF COURSE!" Said Sunfur, who was already bounding off towards Darkstar's den. _Ding-Dong._

Darkstar came up on her elevator the top of the highrock; the elevator music as she came up made her happy. "What is it, Sunfur?"

"!" Said Sunfur.

"Oh, what a good idea! We shall have the ceremony at once!" Said Darkstar.

Darkstar beckoned the two apprentices to the rock with her tail. But they DIDN"T COME. She tried again, but they wouldn't come!  
"NOOOOOOOOOOO! THEY'VE LEFT US FOREVER! THEY hate ME! I'M A BAD LEADER! WHAAH!"

Snowcloud, who saw that Pinkpaw, who he deeply cared for, and Starpaw, were sharing the seahorse by the fresh-kill pile, quickly ran over to his emotionally-breaking-down leader. "What is it, Darkstar? What are you FEELING?"

"THEY HATE ME! I'M SO TERRIBLE WITH YOUNG WARRIORS! WHAAH! I'M A FAILURE!" wailed Darkstar.

"Oh, no you're not! They're right there!" He pointed with his tail.

"NOOO! THOSE ARE JUST FIGMENTS OF MY IMAGINATION! THOSE PILLS YOU GAVE ME DON'T WORK!"

Snowcloud put his tail on her shoulder in comfort. "Yes, you are crazy, but that's OKAY! The warriors still love you, even the young ones!"

"You, you THINK SO?"

"Like, definitely gurlfriend."

"Thanks, Snowcloud. You always make me feel better.YOU GET AN A+ and A GOLD STAR!"

"Good, good. So how about that ceremony?"

"Oh, yes. That. Right away. PINKPAW! STARPAW! GET OVA HEE-UH!"

The two young she-cats came bounding over, wondering what their (slightly crazy) leader wanted.

"Do you want us to go to CVS again to pick up your special shampoo?" asked Pinkpaw.

"No, No. Looooooooongtail fixed my dander problem a looooong time ago. I called you two over to make you WARRIORS!" explained Darkstar.

"YIPPEEEEE!" Starpaw exclaimed. "Now we get to join your sister, Pinkpatch, Brambleclaw, Sunfur, Twigface, and Earear in the warriors' den!"

"I know!" said Pinkpaw, excitedly. "They have air-conditioning, a plasma t.v. and EVERYTHING!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever" said Darkstar, rolling her eyes. "ALL CATS WHO DON'T HAVE A LIFE AND HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO, GET OVER HERE, PLEASE!"

Pinkpaw and Starpaw shook with impatience as all the warriors, apprentices, queens and elders emerged from their den. From up in the sky, Bluestar, Lionheart, and Redtail came flying down also. Dirtpaw trotted over to them. "Aren't you supposed to be DEAD?"

"What do you think we do in Starclan?" replied Bluestar. "NOTHING! For the last 6 moons, all we've been doing is watching Nightstar and Oakheart arm-wrestle. IT'S SO BORING! So, we decided to come down here to see the ceremony!"

"Oh, okay," Said Dirtpaw softly, looking down at her paws. "I wanna be a warrior, too…"

"Do not worry, young apprentice," said Redtail soothingly. "You'll be a Warrior in a couple days. I could even tell you what your name is to be…"

"REALLY?"

"NO! HAHA!"

Dirtpaw frowned and walked away to get a better view of the highrock.

"Now," said Darkstar. "Uh, you two. Do you like, um, promise to be good and do stuff, and, yeah?"  
Pinkpaw nodded seriously. Starpaw smiled freakishly at Darkstar, which Darkstar took as a yes.

"Allrighty, then. From now on, you will be known as Pinkpool. Uh… Uh……" stammered Darkstar.

"Starclan honors your courage…" Snowcloud pushed gently.

"Yeah. Starwhats-a-ma-hooey honors your courage, and yeah." Darkstar touched licked Pinkpool's little pink head, and Pinkpool licked her shoulder in respect. _Mmm, Chocolate…_Thought Pinkpool as she jumped down to sit next to Dirtpaw and Brambleclaw. "NEXT!"

Starpaw flew up onto the Highrock. "You," said Darkstar, beginning to feel tired after standing for more than five minutes. "What I said to her, yadda yadda yadda. Okay? Okay. Now you shall be known as… hmmm… wait… I got it…. AH! STARNIGHT!"

The newly named Starnight flew up into the air with joy. Darkstar tapped her paw with impatience as she waited two moons for her to come down. Starnight landed again, and Dsrkstar licked her head. Starnight took a huge bite out of Darkstar's shoulder for respect. "YUMMY!" she said as she went down to sit next to her friends.

Darkstar got into her elevator and went back down to her den while the clan chanted the names of the new warriors, Pinkpool and Starnight.

"Great job, guys!" said Earear as he hopped over to them. "Come on, I'll give you a tour of the Warriors' den!"

Pinkpool and Starnight followed him, thinking, _He smells an awful lot like rabbit… _

"Here we are!" said Earear. He knocked on the huge wooden door, and Nightwind answered, in a speedo bathing suit and a lemonade with an umbrella in his paw.

In between sips he said, "Well, if isn't our two newbies! Come on in! We're all in the Jacuzzi."

Pinkpool and Starnight padded in with Earear at their side. "SNOWCLOUD!" Pinkpool bounded over to her loved one.

"Pinkpool!" said Snowcloud, who was in front of the TV, watching Project Runway. "You're HERE!" The two cats nuzzled, and then started making out. Starnight watched with intense interest, until a teeny tiny kit-sized warrior came up to her.

"Hi, Starnight!" he squeaked. "I'm Twigface! My Mommy, my Daddy and I were just playing Junior Monopoly. Wanna play?"

"Okay!" agreed Starnight, taking one final look at her friend and the deputy. _Hold on a second…_thought Starnight, following the little Pipsqueak. _Wasn't he born just an hour ago?_

As she walked into the gameroom, she saw Pinkpatch, Pinkpool's sister, and Brambleclaw, sitting by a junior monopoly board. "HeeeeellOO, Staaarrrnightt!" sang Pinkpatch and Brambleclaw, in opera style, with perfect harmony. "Weee SEEEE that our LOVELY little BOOOOOOY has brought youuu HEREE to PLAYY with US!"

"Uhuh," said Starnight, as she sat down beside them. "OOH! Can I be the car?"

"NO! I'm the CAR!" complained Twigface. "You can be the moneybag!"

"Um, okay." Starnight rolled the die. "YEAH! A SIX! WHOOHOO! I WON half OF AISHaCLAN'S TERRITORY!"

Twigface squinched his face up at her and hugged his territory. Then he stuck out his tongue. Starnight didn't want to play anymore, so she thought she'd go and hunt.

Starnight padded outside; the air felt thick and heavy compared to the air-conditioned warriors' den. Then, she saw Dirtpaw. "Hey, Dirtpaw!" called Starnight. "WANNA GO……… HUNTING?"

The little brown cat's ears pricked. "Like, CHA!"

"Then let's go!"

"What about Pinkpool?'

"She's busy."

"Snowcloud?"

"Yep."

"All right. Can Herbpaw and Daisypaw come?"

"Sure."

"Then let's GO!"

Starnight, Dirtpaw, Herpaw, and Daisypaw prowled through the undergrowth. Daisypaw stopped all of a sudden.

"What do you smell?" hissed Herbpaw quietly.

Daisypaw pointed with her tail – it was a small gray-black shape.

_Hmm, what could it be? _Thought Starnight. _OOHOOH! I KNOW! PICK ME! IT MUST BE A LADYBUG!_

Starnight flew at the thing. As she pinned it onto its back, she realized – IT"S A CAT! And a certain cat it was…..

"_Crowfeather?"_ Starnight realized with disbelief. "What are _you _doing here?"

"FEAATHERTAIL!" Crowfeather wailed. "FEAAATHERTAIL? WHAA! LEAFPOOL BROKE UP WITH ME! WHAA!" Starnight opened her eyes wide.

"Huh?"

"SHE BROKE UP WITH ME!"

"No she didn't. I read Twilight. Leafpool just needed to stay with her CLAN, that's all."

"R-really?"

"Duh! Everyone knew she was gonna stay!"

"Thanks, Starnight. I THINK I LOVE YOU!"

_Oh, no, not AGAIN!_ Thought Starnight, shaking her head. "Hey, Crowfeather. Do you know when Sunset comes out?"

"JANUARY FIRST, MY DEAR, BUT I'D GET IT FOR YOU NOW, IF IT'D MAKE YOU HAPPY!"

"Yeah, yeah, okay. You do that. Just get off our territory, NOW you crazy furball!"

Crowfeather kissed her paw, and slowly backed away, not taking his eyes off her. The apprentices giggled. "Doesn't this sound like what happened with Graystripe and Silverstream?" cooed Daisypaw.

"Oh my gawd, yeah!" giggled Dirtpaw.

Herbpaw shook his head. "She-cats and their gossip! Come on, let's go to the elders to see if Sockheart will tell us a story!"

"YEAH!" The other young cats agreed. Starnight gazed on after them with pride, even though she had been an apprentice just two hours ago.

All of a sudden, a bus that said, _HOLA! _on it pulled up in front of her. Starnight frowned at it, confused.

All of a sudden, a long-haired gray cat with yellow eyes popped out with a sombrero on, wearing a "MEXICO!" t-shirt.

It was……… GRAYSTRIPE!

"What'd I miss?" asked Graystripe. Starnight smacked her forehead.

END OF CHAPTER ONE


	2. The NEW NEW Prophecy

DISCLAIMER: UM, YEAH… WE LIKE, DON'T OWN WARRIORS, YA KNO?

Chapter 2

Starnight's mouth dropped open

" GRAYSTRIPE?"

"CHYA!" says Graystripe

" But-but why are you HERE? ThunderClan isnt HERE"

"I'm back from Mexico, want some salsa?"

"Ok" as a matter of fact, Starnight was in the mood for something spicy. so, instead of processing this more thoroughly, she brought two beach chairs out from behind a tree, and she and Graystripe sat there, eating chips and salsa and singing "Me gusta la playa, I like the beach!"

After an unusually spicy chip stabbed her in the throat, Starnight realized once again...

"GRAYSTRIPE? Graystripe, haven't you read "The New Prophecy?"

"Yeah," answered Graystripe

"Don't you know that you got taken away by Twolegs: and – "

"CHYA! they like, put me in first class to Mexico, and like, yeah, while Firedude and whats-it clan were like, eating tough and stringy squirrels"

"Go on?" said Graystripe, picking his teeth with a pointy chip

"GO BACK TO THUNDER CLAN" Starnight grabbed a chip. "Or you could stay with us," Starnight grabbed another chip and then said "I must return to my clan now! Bring the chips!"

When Graystripe reached for the chips, a wind went by and Graystripe looked up at the sky and said: "ITS A SIGN FROM STAR-A MA-HOOEY!"

"WHAT DID THEY SAY?" asked Starnight

"They said, they said...THEY SAID... they SAID..."

"WHAT?" asked starnight

" IM GONNA RUN OUT OF SALSA TOMORROW!"

"AAH!"

"STARNIGHT! YOU MUST ACCOMPANY ME TO THE GREAT BEYOND TO GET MORE SALSA!"

"ITS ITS.. A NEW PROPHECY!"

DAHN DAHN DAHWN!

meanwhile...back at the clan Darkstar rose out of her den on the elevator...

"Cats who do not have a life, gather here" Every cat gathered as usual, although this time, the whole of Starclan came down, all except Nightstar and Oakheart.

"There's nothing on, my computers broken down, my Olympic sized pool and Jacuzzi are too cold, my king sized bed has a bone stuck under it from dinner, the great hall needs-"

"Get to the point" cried some random cat.

"Oh no they hate ME!" cried Darkstar.

"Darkstar" cried Snowcloud...Remember those exercises we did...Darkstar breathe in and out deeply."

Darkstar breathed in and out deeply and took out her Firestar plushie out and cuddled with it

"OK I'm better." said Darkster. "CLAN AMUSE ME!"

So, at the command of his leader (And because he has a crush on her), Nightwind strutted out in a mini skirt and knee high boots, singing: "IM A BARBIE GURL IN A BARBIE WORLD!" While Earear and Brambleclaw sang background (Brambleclaw is ken).

Pinkpool and Snowcloud did an Irish jig. Twigface rode around on his toy fire truck saying, "VROOM VROOM!" (He is actually amusing himself more then Darkstar) Brindleflower started tap dancing to British rock music . Creamkit and Ivykit played the oboe, And Orchidflower was doing the Macarena on top of the Warriors den.

Sockheart dragged out his guitar and sang "Welcome to the Black Parade" and Butterpelt glared at all the young cats who are distracting her from her stories.

As Darkstar watched her clan make complete idiots of themselves, she realized; SHES STILL BORED! (Although Nightwind does look hot in a miniskirt…)

"STOP!" yelled Darkstar

"I demand a…" the clan waited in silence for their leaders command. "A puppet show!"

The clan gasped. A puppet show! What a challenge it would be! But Pinkpatch, Bramblecalaw and Twigface thought fast. Twigface dragged out his cat puppets from the Warriors den; his Nightwind puppet, his Sunfur puppet and his Darkstar puppet that he made in his free time that he made in his spare time. He handed Darkstar to Brambleclaw, the Nightwind to Pinkpatch and kept Sunfur for himself. Brambleclaw pulled a puppet show stage out of Butterpelt's mouth. They began:

"OH DARKSTAR," Sunfur puppet gushed "I am your BESTEST FWIEND. I WANNA BE DEPUTEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"NO, DARKSTAR," interrupted Nightwind puppet. "I LOOK HOTTER THAN SUNFUR IN A MINISKIRT!" Sunfur puppet crossed her arms.

"NOT FUNNY!" cried Nightwind and Sunfur. But Darkstar found it rather funny; Sunfur DOESN'T look good in a miniskirt. Darkstar was amused now.

"Ok clan," laughed Darkstar. "You can go have no lives now. Ok? Ok. Shoo!" Darkstar decided to go down into her den to play Donkey Kong. She padded inside and breathed in the scent of lavender scented candles. _Aah!_ Darkstar plopped down on her couch and started to play.

"UGH!" complained Starnight as she saw the huge mountain that she and Graystripe would need to climb. "Why do we have to go by paw when we could just do Jet-Blue?"

"Because!" growled Graystripe. "AH WANNA SAY HI TO STORMFUR!" Grastripe gazed at her stupidly.

"Fine…"

Graystripe scrambled up the mountain "Hurry! The salsa store closes in an hour."

"What!" Starnights eye twitched. "That's it! I'm calling Sunfur." Sunfur flipped out her RAZR phone, went to contacts and dialed 'Sunfur.'

"Hello?"

"Yo! Sunfur! What's up with my homey?"

"STARNIGHT!"

"Yeah! Um do you mind coming over here to give Graystripe and me a lift?"

"WHAT? You can fly too! So fly! FLY!" Sunfur yelled. Starnight's ear hurt. She heard her mentor's eye twitching (Ya she can do that.).

"Uh…OKAY!"

"YAY! Wait! I'm mad. You- FLY! Okay BYE!" Sunfur hung up. Starnight sighed; she'd have to do this the hard way. She picked up Graystripe by his sombrero and flew into the sunset…to the nearest salsa store.

"YEEEEEEEEE-HAWWWW!" well, you know who that is.

Pinkpool enjoyed the warm sun shining on her fluffy pink pelt. She had just had a great time making out with Snowcloud in the Warriors den. She didn't care that half the clan was watching her, her love for Snowcloud was greater.

-Flashback-

"Ooh mommy! What are they **doing**!" squeaked Twigface.

"Um… why don't we go play another game of junior monopoly!" said Pinkpatch as she rushed her two hour old son out of the room.

-Back to earth-

'_Aahhh_' thought Pinkpool. Suddenly a long, blue ear popped out of a bush. It had a flower on it! '_Ooh pretty_'

"AHRE WHEEEE THEY-RE YEEEETT?" she heard someone cry out. Then she heard a smack.

"Shut it you imbecile!" hissed another voice.

"WE-YLL AHRE WEEEE?"

"YES now shut up you inferior, inane, being!" then BLUEAISHA from Aisha clan popped out of the bush! GAWLLY!

"HA!" the leader shouted, and looked from side to side. WHITEAISHA Muffin (who couldn't seem to stay still, at all), Missy, who was checking her make-up in a mirror, a hyper-active elephant who was rocking back and forth stupidly, and wait, who's that guy again? (NANOOK! NANOOK! Enraged inner-Nanook. Yeah, yeah, keep telling yourself that, whats-your-face). "DID WE surprise YOU?"

"Uh…no?" Pinkpool raised an eyebrow.

"CURSE YOU!" shouted BLUEAISHA to the heavens. "AISHACLAN ATTACK!"

BLUEAISHA flew on top of Pinkpool. She **FELT CLAWS RAKE DOWN HER SIDE! **But Pinkpool was too fast – she kicked her attacker in the belly and sent her flying into the Warriors' den private spa and mudbath ("HEYY!" shouted Missy, who was in the Mudbath, as her leader's impact sent mud flying at her). Then, she kicked Muffin (who was too busy looking at the purdy birds to pay attention) straight into the cardboard box that was the apprentice den. SUDDENLY, ELEPHANT GOT UP!

"AAAAAAAAHHH WANNAAA SINGGG YOOOOO A SAWNNGG! AHMMM A WIDDLE TEAAAAAAA POT! SHAWRT AAAND STOUT! Uh, where's mah spout again?" ("THERE!" growled Nanook. "wait, pondered elephant. "Who are you again?" NANOOOOOOOOK cried inner Nanook. Then inner Nanook went to a dusty corner in Nanook's mind and cried.)

SnowClan was slowly going deaf from the elephants shrieks.

"CLAN, WE MUST RESORT TO- NO!- YES WE MUST! BRING OUT BP!" The battle stopped. The Clan gasped. The Elephant was now the only sound.

To their (buh-rilliant, don't you thihnk?) deputy's command, Brambleclaw and Nightwind came out with gas-masks, rolling out an iron box on a skate-board. Brambleclaw opened a trap door, popped in a BEAN, closed it, pressed a red button, and shouted – "TAKE COVERR!" as crunching was heard from inside.

Everyone sheltered in the ventilated warriors' den, while Muffin was still in the box – oops, I mean the apprentices den. SUDDENLY, THE BOX OPENED. BUTTERPELT WAS INSIDE! SHE LIFTED UP HER BUTT, AND AIMED IT AT THE STILL SCREECHING ELEPHANT! GAW!

But suddenly (so many suddenlys!), a "WHEEEE!" was heard from outside. "AHAWHAHW!" cried Graystripe as he flew into the camp. Starnight quickly walked into the camp, holding a "SALSAWORLD!" shopping bag, but RECOGNIZED THE SITUATION RIGHT AWAY!

As Brambleclaw grabbed her tail and pulled her inside, she screamed, "GRAYSTRIPE! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" BUT IT WAS TOO LATE!

Butterpelt let her bomb go. _Ah! _Thought inner Butterpelt. Then inner Butterpelt saw wailing inner Nanook. _Wait, who are you again_? Asked inner Butterpelt. Inner Nannok wailed harder.

(Back to the real world) The elephant, (and graystripe – WhAAAAAH!) laid, silent, and still on the ground. "AHM GONNA GO WATCH 7TH HEAVEN NOW!" Said Butterpelt, as she headed for the Elder's den, which was really a gourmet chef restaurant.

"NOO!" wailed Starnight as she ran out toward's dead Graystripe. "NO! YoU CAN'T BE DEAAD!'

"ALL RIGHTY!" said Graystripe, coming back to life. "Sorry – do that sometimes, you know, like, DAH an' all. Strangely, though, all I saw was Nightstar and Oakheart sitting at the table, arm-wrestling!" Graystripe's ears swiveled towards a "cough-cough" from Bluestar, who was standing on the highrock, with the rest of the starry cats behind her.

"HAAH THERE!" Graystripe said to his former leader.

"Graystripe," said Bluestar to Graystripe. "You belong with your own clan – CAUSE THAT MEANIE BRAMBLECLAW THE FIRST IS TRYING TO GET YER POSITION! GET THERE! NOW! We have supplied you with first-class tickets on Jet-blue to your new home."

"Kayyyy," Graystripe meowed. "Good-bye, dearest Starnight." Graystripe said, awfully seriously. Then, he gave out a Graystripeish chuckle, and snatched the Salsa away. Bluestar sent Lionheart to guide his former apprentice through the traffic to the airport.

Nanook came out from wherever he was hiding (not that anyone cares) and laughed hysterically at his gas-stricken clanmate (elephant). "HAhaha!" he laughed. "HAHAHA!" he laughed sommore. Then, elephant came back to life, and said, "WAIT, WHO ARE YOU AGAAHN?" Nanook clenched his teeth, and ran away into the Night. Well, he tried to run into the Night, but hit a tree instead. Not that anyone cares, of course.

Starnight sniffled. She was actually starting to enjoy Graystripe's company, even with his extremely idiotic stupidness. But, rustling distracted her!

Suddenly (AGAIN WITH THE SUDDENLY!), CROWFEATHER flew through the air, doing a triple- back-flip as he fell, and landed on all four paws, right in front of her. He had ice on the tips of his whiskers, and was shaking uncontrollably. He had Sunset strapped to his back, flowers in one paw(frozen) and a box of chocolate covered rodents (frozen) in the other.

"I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I-I" he tried to say. Starnight slapped him in the face.

"I- I- I- I-I GOT THE BOOK FOR YOU! AND YOUR FAVORITE CHOCOLATE COVERED RODENTS! ALL FROM THE NORTH POLE!"

Starnight stared at him. Maybe she should like him. Hhmm.. he is handsome, and he did almost freeze to death for me. AND PINKPOOL HAS A BOYFRIEND AND I DON'T! Yes, I shall love Crowfeather!

Starnight grabbed the shaking Crowfeather, and gave him a nice wet one on the muzzle. After that, Crowfeather magically flew up into the air, and all the ice melted off! Then he came back down. "!" he said.

Looooooooooongtail came racing out of his den. "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" he meowed. "IS ANYONEE HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURT?"

The clan looked at each other. "No," they murmured quietly.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKAYYYYYYYYYYY!" Looooooooooooooooooongtail went back into his den. The newly named Dayflower padded out, giggled nervously, and raced back to the den behind her mentor.

Then, Darkstar came out of her den; as always, she swayed back and forth and hummed to the elevator music. Then, she flew out to on top of the highrock, and sent all of Starclan flying off. The camp was ravaged, but she didn't notice – the camp is ALWAYS ravaged.

"CLAN!" she shrieked. "GUeSs WhaATT?"

The Clan looked up at her expectantly.

"I BEAT THE SEVENTH LEVEL!"

The clan glared at her for playing "D.K." while they were fighting for their lives against bigger idiots than they were.

_What's up with them? _She thought as she went back down into her den.

END OF CHAPTER 2 (GAW! love Butterpelt30 EAT FUDGE! love Butterpelt27)


	3. That little squeaky kit from nowhere!

DISCLAIMER: BAAAAAAAH! THIS ISNT OURS! YEAH! OKAY! JuST READ IT !

(Kayy! This chapter is an ITSY BITSY bit more serious, but don't worry – it'll still be very very RANDOM !)

Chapter 3

"DK, Donkey Kong!" played Darkstar's game. She was so close to level 8! LEVEL 8, YES SHE HAD MADE IT! Darkstar jumped off her fluffy firestar colored (with firestar pillows) couch and danced around the room.

Darkstar likes Firestar. All of Darkstar's furniture was bright orange, and all over the den were posters that said: "FIRESTAR -HANDSOME GINGER TOM." She had a whole wall of Firestar toys, and a Firestar electric toothbrush. YES… Darkstar likes Firestar.

But since she could never be with Firestar, (Butterpelt had a nasty fart one day, and Firestar blamed the TWOLEGS when all of the trees died and the prey ran away, so he and the clans went away), she would have to settle for NIGHTWIND, who is the only cat in the forest who could wear a skirt THAT short and look totally hawt. Like, cha!

Darkstar hopped into her ginger-fur-lined elevator, and did the horah to the elevator music. Then, she hopped out and saw the clan eating. Well, she saw _Butterpelt_ eating, and the rest of the clan with their ribs sticking out, cowering, looking at butterpelt, and licking their lips. "CLAN!" she shouted, but not one of them could take their eyes off Butterpelt. "I HAVE WON THE NEXT LEVEL!" NOW, ALLOW ME TO DO A VICTORY DANCE FOR YOU! TO MY FIRESTAR THEMEsonG!"

Darkstar did a flashy hippy dance, to her own firestar theme song ("FIIIIRESTAR! FIRRESTAR! HANDSOME GINGER TOM! HANDSOME GINGER TOM! TIGERCLAW- NO NO NO! TIGERCLAW – NO NO NO!").As Darkstar began to do a complicated routine, she heard an "I'm not okay (I promise)" ring tone coming from the audience. It was Starnight's RAZR phone! Starnight answered it...

"GRAYSTRIPE!" she hissed. "YOU CAN'T CALL ME RIGHT NOW! DARKSTAR'S DANCING!" Babbling that couldn't be understood was heard from the phone. "EEERR!" Starnight hung up. "Sorry, Darkstar! Graystripe called me, and -"

But she was interrupted when Darkstar blew a stream of fire and melted her RAZR.

"...!' said Starnight. "DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT COST?" Starnight ran out crying. Crowfeather and Pinkpool ran out after her.

Then, Darkstar continued to dance, until Butterpelt released another big one, and the whole clan took cover. A cloud of green gas filled the camp, and the whole clan was once again in the warriors' den Except for one cat, lying in the middle of the camp, with fur matted and stained green – SUNFUR!

Starnight ran into the camp. "NOOO!" she cried when she saw her mentor. "SUNFUR! YOU CAN'T DIE!"

"THAT'S NOT GONNA WORK THIS TIME!" coughed Sunfur. "I'm on my way to STAR-A-MA-HOOEY!"  
"No! NO! SOMEONE FETCH LOOOOOOOOONGTAIL!" (I'd just like to take this moment to say: doesn't this seen happen in every Warriors book? Maybe, but we still love em' !)

"NO! Its too late!" rasped Sunfur. "The gas is too strong! I AM GOING! The death taxi is here. I can't keep the driver waiting – he's yelling at me in Cambodian!" Then, Sunfur's body went cold.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Starnight threw her head back. She licked her mentor's ears, but quickly stopped when she realized they tasted like FART!

She buried her head into Crowfeather, who was soaked in seconds. Then, she turned on Butterpelt.

"YOU!" she spat. "YOOOOOOOOOOUU! FIRST, WHEN I WAS AN APPRENTICE, YOU MADE ME CLEAN OUT YOUR FILTHY BEDDING, CLIP YOUR TOENAILS, BRUSH YOUR TEETH AND RECITE _EVERY_ CITY IN CANADA! NOW, YOU KILLED/ALMOST KILLED TWO OF MY FRIENDS WITH YOUR, YOUR… STENCH! GET OUT OF THE CLAN, YOU BEAST!"

The rest of the clan yowled their agreement, realizing all that Butterpelt had done to their pathetic clan. "LEAVE! LEAVE!" they hissed.

Butterpelt stared at them all defiantly. "No," she replied. "You can't kick out an elder. And you have to ruin your lives taking care of me!"

"She's gotta point," growled Nightwind. "Without Butterpelt, how would we make our apprentices suffer when we don't feel like dealing with them?" ("Hey!" yelled Rabbitpaw, Nightwind's apprentice, from the crowd).

"YEAH!" the rest of the clan agreed (Well, all except Starnight, Crowfeather, Pinkpool, and all of the apprentices).

"Then this is settled," Darkstar meowed, turning into a wise leader, not the moron that she actually is. "Butterpelt shall stay, as long as she is kept in the elder's den at all times. Butterpelt, you must agree to warn the clan before you have to… uh… do that. Okay? Okay."

But Butterpelt wasn't listening, She was already bounding off to the elders den to watch "Million Dollar Listing."

"Clan!" shouted Darkstar. "We need to hunt!"

"WHY?" shouted Brambleclaw. "Butterpelt has eaten her share!"

"Because! Now, everyone leave. LEAVE! I wish to talk with my senior warriors now, er… about… something!"

Nightwind, Brambleclaw, and Pinkpatch ran over to their leader. "Come with me…" Darkstar said, beckoning with her tail for them to follow. This time, in the elevator, the four cats did the super duper fast version of "Cotton-eye Joe" to the music, and then burst into the den.

"The reason I have brought you down here is because I need a second player for the next 3 levels. Nightwind, that is YOUR job!"

Nightwind made a thumbs up with a "ding".

"Wh- what about US?" asked Pinkpatch with caution.

"You two," mewed Darkstar, "Thou shalt clean my den, for there be a great mess in my bedroom, mice in the kitchen, slugs in the bathroom, four different species of cockroaches in the parlor, and some unidentifiable stench coming from the living room."

Brambleclaw and Pinkpatch gulped. But they could not disobey their leader. They went to the living room. Five seconds later, a screech and a sucking sound came from the room.

"Now," continued Darkstar. "To business!" She and Nightwind padded to the game room, where the orange couch laid waiting for them.

Up above…

Pinkpool frowned. Then she frowned again. Then she frowned som'more. She hated to see Starnight so upset. Starnight had spent the entire afternoon switching between crying and glaring at Butterpelt's den, from which maniacal laughter could be heard every couple minutes or so. Crowfeather sat next to her, wearing a raincoat, a snorkel, flippers, and 45 towels.

Pinkpool sighed. There was nothing she could do to comfort her friend. But her sulking was interrupted when Brambleclaw and Pinkpatch came bursting out of Darkstar's den, each with patches of fur missing and a terrified look on their faces.

Pinkpool ran over to them. "What's happened? Are you hurt?"

"PACK! PACK! KILL! KILL!" Pinkpatch cried, and then fell to the ground.

"MY GOD, SHE'S LOST IT!" screamed Brambleclaw, gazing at his writhing mate. "Darkstar, she, she, MADE US…. CLEAN!"

Pinkpool gasped. Then her mentor fell to the ground. "LOOOOOOONGTAIL!" she cried out. "COME! HURT CATS! NOW!"

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Loooooooongtail yelled as he and Dayflower came bounding out of the den at full speed. "HUUUUUUURT CAAAAAAAAATS!" Looooooooongtail looked at the cats closely. Then he sniffed them. "DAYFLOWER!"

The little tortoise-shell she-cat jumped up at once. "Y-yes?"

"GEEEETTTT THE KIT!"

Dayflower went back to the den and returned with a first-aid kit. No, really. It was a white kit with a red cross on its head. "Hi!" it squeaked. "I'm first-aid kit! I'M GONNA BE FIRST-AID PAW SOON!"  
"WHAAAAATeVERRRR!" Loooooooongtail meowed. "WEEE NEEEEEED TWOOOO BAND-AIIDDS! NOW!"

"Aw, shucks! Why didn't you say so?" the little kit mewed. He pulled two band-aids out of nowhere, and stuck them on the two cats. Suddenly, they were all better!

"Gee, thanks!" Pinkpatch said, getting up.

"YAAAAAAAAAYYY!" Loooooooongtail meowed with joy. "I THINK IT'S TIME YOU WERE MADE AN APPRENTICE!"

"Aw, GAWLLY!" mewed first-aid kit.

"I'll go tell Darkstar!" Pinkpool mewed. "She'll be _so_ happy to have a new apprentice in the clan!"

Pinkpool bounded off to Darkstar's den and rang the doorbell. No body came, so she rang it again (she noted how the ring had been changed to the Firestar theme song).

"DAAAAARKSTAR!" Pinkpool called. OOH! She'd have to go inside! She hopped onto the highrock and stepped into the elevator (_hmmmm... nice elevator music!_). She waited as the elevator brought her down. The sight she saw was shocking.

Nightwind's black fur had been dyed orange, and he and Darkstar were making out on the couch.

"Er… Darkstar?" Pinkpool whispered as she edged into the room. "Um…"

"WHAT?" Darkstar said as she and Nightwind (with green contacts) looked at her. "Oh, I mean, what is it, Pinkpool?"

"Er… First-aid kit is ready to become an apprentice!"

"Who…?"

"The little white kit with the red cross on his head that hasn't been in the story yet that just appeared out of nowhere?"

"Oh, yes. That little squeaky kit; I bought him from some lady outside Target. The clan needs more warriors, you know."

"Well, ok… But he needs a mentor."

"You decide. I'm busy"

"Um, okay. And by the way, do you know where Snowcloud is? He kinda disappeared for the last uh, chapter and a half!"

"Oh, yes. Um, SNOWCLOUD!" called Darkstar. All of a sudden a cloud of purple mist came out of nowhere, and when it cleared, Snowcloud was there.

"Hi, Pinkpool!" he meowed, grinning. "How's it going?"

"Great!" she answered, nuzzling his cheek. "I have to pick out a mentor for first-aid kit. How about Starnight?"

"Why, of course! You know, after Sunfur and all…"

"Wait, If you weren't here, how do you know about that?" Pinkpool gazed at him with sad, blue eyes.

"Silly, silly Pinkpool. I was only in the fourth dimension; of course I know what's happening!"

Pinkpool stared at him until Darkstar said, "OUT! OUT! Don't make me release the living room on you…!"

Pinkpool and her lover ran out quickly, and ran over to Starnight, who was drawing yellow blobs with wings and sighing. "Um, Starnight?"

"FEATHERTAIL!" wailed Starnight. "Wait, I mean, SUNFUR! WhY!" At the mention of his lost love, Crowfeather started wailing, too.

"It's all right, Starnight," sighed Pinkpool. "You too, Crowfeather… But I have good news!"

"WH-WH-WH- WHAAAT?"

"YER GONNA MENTOR FIRST-AID KIT!"

Starnight looked puzzled. "_Who?"_

"The little white kit with the red cross on his head who came out of nowhere!"

"Oh, him. O-okay…"

"Come on, then!" Pinkpool dragged her friend to their leader's den, where Darkstar was just emerging with Nightwind (who was orange! WHOOOAH!).

"Yes, yes!" said Darkstar. "The ceremony! Now, I think I know how to do this right this time. Now, where is that kit?"

First-aid kit came running to the highrock, and sat next to his leader, tail straight up in the air. Snowcloud settled himself next to the highrock, just in case his leader had no idea what she was doing (which is most likely).

"Er, you!" Darkstar pointed to Starnight with her tail. "Do you promise to serve and protect this clan, even at the cost of your life?"

"NO! NO!" whispered Snowcloud. "You are ready for an apprentice…"

"Oh, yes. Of course. You are ready for an apprentice. I hope that you will like, pass on the VERY LITTLE that you know to this little, uh, apprentice-a-ma-bober, First-aidpaw."

Starnight went over to her new apprentice to touch noses with him, but ended up having a band-aid stuck to her nose. Oh, well. It's the thought that counts, right?

END OF CHAPTER 3


	4. WHERE DID THAT TOASTER OVEN COME FROM?

A/N: HHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

BuTTErPelt27 here with chapter 4 gasps Thanks sooooooooooooo much to all

the reviewers! Oh! There are new characters in this chappie, but I'm too lazy to add them to the allegiances. (Just to let you knoooow, Butterpelt30 wrote the end of the chapter – cuz eighth grade keeps us _very_ busy!!!)

DISCLAIMER: Warriors is in full possession of Kate Cary and Cherith Baldry.

But we own the plot and First-aidpaw.

A lone shape walked through the snowfall. Looking closer you could see that it was a black tom cat. He stumbled on through the night in silence until...

"CROWFEATHER!!!!" cried a squeaky voice as a she-cat jumped out of the bushes.

"Starnight," Crowfeather replied, kissing her paw and gazing into her eyes.

"OMG!!!!!! OMG!!!! I cant wait to go to that fancy Italian restaurant you told me about!!! Look, I mapquested the instructions and and - and - and -THEY'RE RIGHT HERE!!!!!!!" cried Starnight excitedly (duh). She waved the papers in front of his face. He read the top.

START: The middle of nowhere/Snowclan territory.

"Here, grab on, we can fly there!!!!!" Crowfeather grabbed onto Starnight. They flew to the restaurant. The waiter greeted them as soon as they came in and sat them down. After not to long, their order came.

Crowfeather¹s spaghetti with meatballs was placed in front of the two cats.

Crowfeather fed Starnight a noodle as he gazed at her lovingly with eyes that were blue in the first 4 books, but were amber in Twilight. Suddenly, the door slammed open. Two she-cats - one a light brown tabby, and the other a starry, silver cat ­ burst into the restaurant.

Crowfeather gulped. "L-leafpool? Feathertail??"

But the two angry she-cats weren¹t looking at him. They both stopped in front of Starnight. "YOU!" they screeched in unison. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU¹RE DOING, HERE WITH MY TOMCAT?? MY HANDSOME BLACK TOM??²

"But- But-" Starnight stammered, but was cut off as the wind was knocked out of her ­ Feathertail and Leafpool were attacking!

Dustpelt, who was sitting in the corner with his family (Dustpelt had Filet Mignon, Ferncloud had the turkey breast, and Birchpaw had the kid¹s chicken fingers with French fries) saw what was happening, and yowled, "CAT FIGHT!!! LITERALLY!"

Leafpool bit down hard on Starnight¹s shoulder, while Starnight tried to scratch Feathertail, but couldn¹t because Feathertail is made of stars. Crowfeather watched with horror while he nibbled on a meatball as his three lovers (cough cough NONE OF THEM FROM WINDCLAN! cough cough) fought each other. Which one could he love? He thought and thought and finally, he exploded!

The three she-cats stopped instantly. "CROWFEATHER!" they

wailed. Well, all except Feathertail, who was laughing maniacally.

"HAHAHA!" she laughed. "Now Crowfeather lies in Starclan with

ME! HaHA!" Feathertail flew up into the sky.

Leafpool and Starnight gazed up at the sky in horror as Crowfeather's caterwauls were heard from above. "AH DON¹T WANNA DIE!!¹ he

could be heard saying. "OH MY GOD! THERE¹S LIKE, NOTHING HERE! THERE¹S CROWFOOD EVERYWHERE, AND NIGHTSTAR JUST INVITED ME TO ARM-WRESTLE HIM! AHH!² Nightstar¹s tomly (manly ) grunts could be heard from above as he arm-wrestled their boyfriend.)

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" Starnight sobbed. "My love!!! MY LOVE!!!!!" she grabbed a meatball and popped it into her mouth. "Noooooooooo!" she finished. Suddenly, Willowpelt appeared (why her, I have no idea!).

"Come," she said. It is time to return to your Clan."

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! I don't wanna!!!" Starnight cried, kicking and screaming. She jumped on top of the shocked Willowpelt.

"Wooh!!!!!" Dustpelt screamed for Starnight. Willowpelt slashed at Starnight's head. "Boo!!!" he shouted and picked up a meatball from Crowfeather's abandoned dish and chucked it at Willowpelt. As it hit her, the fight stopped. Willowpelt began sobbing. Starnight gazed sadly at the crying Willowpelt and nuzzled her cheek. Then she turned on Dustpelt and smushed the rest of her spaghetti in his face. He yowled and started throwing food. The restaurant was absolute commotion.

There was food flying everywhere, Willowpelt was sobbing, Starnight was stuffing garlic mashed potatoes in Dustpelt's ears. Ferncloud was flinging ketchup at everyone with a spoon, and Mudclaw started yowling manaically and threw a huge bucket of shrimp in the air. Birchpaw stared blankly at the situation; he took a huge bite of chicken finger and colored his activity sheet with a blue crayon. As all of the waiters ran around, screaming in Itailian, Willowpelt suddenly regained her composure. She grabbed Starnight and apparated out. Starnight fell into her classy, king sized bed in the Warriors den and cried herself to sleep.

The next morning Darkstar rose out of her den. "CLAN!!!!!!!" she announced. "Today we are going to a gathering!!!!!!! Who wants to come!!!!!!!" A tumbleweed rolled by. "N-n-no one???" she began breaking down.

"Darkstar!!" cried Snowcloud. "Breathe in, Breathe out, good. We have to go to the gathering! Cats! Don't you _wanna _see the other Clans?"

The Clan stared back at him blankly.

"Okay then, Darkstar, choose some cats to go!"

But Darkstar was too busy rocking back and forth on the highrock, cuddling with her Firestar plushie and murmuring to it.

"I guess I'm choosing," continued Snowcloud, sighing. "Ok then, Pinkpool, Pinkpatch, Brambleclaw, Nightwind, Starnight –"

"WHOOH!" said Nightwind. Starnight looked at Snowcloud with sad, wet eyes (almost as wet as all the cats around her) and ran back to the warriors' den, sobbing.

"Anyway, Brindleflower, Herbpaw, First-aidpaw, and that toaster oven that just appeared out of nowhere. Okay? Okay. Let's go! Ready, Darkstar?"

"GA!" she replied. "I mean, okie dokie…"

At the gathering…

Starnight wiped her eyes (on Herbpaw) as the clan arrived at ThreeTrees (it used to be Fourtrees, but one of the trees fell in love with a _gorgeous _pine tree, and they ran off together.) She looked down at the other three clans: AishaClan, who they had recently had a battle with, CatClan, and GreenbeanClan. The clearing was filled with cats – and green beans. She tumbled down next to Pinkpool, who was visiting Queen3 from Catclan.

"Hey, Queen3!" mewed Pinkpool. "How's life in Catclan?"

Queen3 blinked at her with the most bored face on the planet. "Oh, nothing," she said with a flat voice. "Queen6 gave birth to kit45, kit46, and kit47. Aprentice78 became Warrior196. Leader and MedicineCat went to highstones. The usual."

Pinkpool's eyes began to droop with the news of the boring life of CatClan. Starnight went over to talk to some GreenbeanClan warriors, who were all gathered around First-aidpaw and that toaster oven that came out of nowhere. They seemed to be listening very intently to what they were saying."

"And I was just a kit at the time," First-aidpaw was saying, "When the giant Cannoli fell on the elder's den. Well, Butterpelt ate it all before it could spoil, but still. Right, toasty?"

The toaster oven sat there as crickets were heard in the back round.

"How interesting," said Beanclaw of Greenbeanclan (translated from Green bean language).

"Yes," said Greenfoot of GreenBeanClan. "Very interesting,"

"I WANNA CANNOLI!!" squealed BeanGreenpaw. "PWEEZ, MOMMY?"

"No!" replied Guh-reen-BUh-eenflower. "You can't eat anything! You're a GREEN BEAN!"

They were interrupted as The Minuet in E minor was heard from the high rock. It was Darkstar, signaling that the gathering was starting!

"HI!!" she meowed. "Leader, would you like to start?"

"Sure," Leader droned. "Greetings, pitiful Carbon-based life forms. In our clan, stuff has happened. Yeah." He blinked, one eye and then the other. "Kit43 and Kit44 have become Apprentice79 and Apprentice80. They are here tonight." He pointed with his boring tail to two boring apprentices. They were sleeping, just like all the other cats/green beans there. "Anyway, MedicineCat and I went to highstones and got messages from Starclan. While. We tried, but in the middle, StarClan fell asleep-"

He was interrupted as he was kicked off the rock by BLUEAISHA ("Aah," he said as he fell, with the flattest voice ever.) "I would like to speak next!" BLUEAISHA hissed. "PAY ATTENTION!" All the cats below woke up groggily as her voice boomed around the clearing. "Anyway, I have very, _very_ important news!" she looked at them with an evil grin.

"What?" yelled Beanclaw.

"I'M TAKING A DRAMATIC PAUSE, YEESH! Anyway, I have to say, HI!!!!!! MUAHAHA! MUAHHAHA!" she leapt off the highrock, gathering her cats/dogs/elephants.

"Erm, I'd like to speak now," said Greenstar. "Okay then, BeanGreenkit was made into an apprentice, Beanclaw was made deputy when a crazed rabbit ate my old deputy, MushyVegetabletail. The Clan honors him –"

He was cut off as crunching was heard from the great rock – Darkstar was chewing something, but what? Oh, dear goodness! She was eating Greenstar!

The crowd gasped as Darkstar burped. "Mm… Yummy!" she said for herself. "Okay, then. Um, yeah. We have a new apprentice, yadda yadda yadda, okay, bye!"

The cats/vegetables were still gaping at her as she strolled out of the clearing. A pitiful wail was heard from Guh-reen-Buh-eenflower as she moved close to the horrified BeanGreanpaw.

Starnight stared sympathetically at the GreenBeanClan warriors, and followed her leader. She was joined by First-aidpaw, who was dragging that toaster oven along with him. My god – WHERE DID IT COME FROM??

END OF CHAPTER FOUR


	5. DONT EAT CREAMPAW!

Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaptteeerrr FIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
HI! HI! HI!!! It's BUtTerPeLT30!!! Sorry that we've been taking so lawng!!  OH WELL! Here's chapter five (it's my personal favorite, if you don't mind me saying so : )

DISCLAIMERR: We don't own Warriors. BUT I DO HAVE A BELLY BUTTON!

Snowcloud followed his leader (who was singing "You're Beautiful" at the top of her lungs) through the undergrowth; the gathering had not gone well. Darkstar, who had EATEN GreenbeanClan's leader, didn't seem to notice that she had started a war with an enemy clan – who was made of VEGETABLES! AAH! Everyone knew that GreenbeanClan was the most deadly, with it's VITAMINS and MINERALS and what not! (CatClan – too boring! AishaClan – too well, stupid!)

Snowcloud also knew that his leader was her final life, a secret only he and Yellowfang knew (wait a minute… wrong story!) GAW! If she died in this battle, hen _he'd _have to be leader! GAW! _Wait a minute…_Thought Snowcloud. _Can a green bean kill a cat? Well, knowing Darkstar, I'd say it's true! _GAW!

Darkstar leapt to the top of the highrock. "CLAN!" she yowled. "I HAVE A BELLY ACHE! OKAY? OKAY! GO AWAY! Nightwind, report to my den for, uh, business!'

Nightwind hurried to his leader and joined her in the elevator (from which sounds of advanced river stomp could be heard from). Snowcloud sadly looked on, knowing that it may be the last time his leader ever played Donkey Kong – and that she had never asked _him_ to play with her!

Snowcloud's thoughts were interrupted as another cloud of purple mist appeared in the clearing; all the cats gathered round. As it cleared, a speckled she-cat with furry ears appeared. "Who are you?" called Dirtpelt.

" I'm Trackfoot!" she mewed. "I'm the Warrior that Butterpelt27 and Butterpelt30 ignored for the last four chapters!" She looked down at her paws. Her ears pricked as a big cloud of pink mist appeared, and there was Butterpelt27 and Butterpelt30!

"Yes, we did," sighed Butterpelt27 guiltily. "We're sorry!"

"Yes, we are!" added Butterpelt30. "Come on! Let's go to the local Arby's and grab an RB sandwich!"

"YAY!" said Butterpelt27 and Trackfoot. Then they all disappeared in a cloud of pink and purple mist.

"Hey!" shouted Ivykit. "I wanna RB sammich too!"

"Sorry dear," Orchidwhisker told him. "You know that roast beef makes your left eye fall out!"

"Yeah…"

"But how about becoming an apprentice!?"

"Yay!" shouted Ivykit and his sister, Creamkit.

"I'll go tell Darkstar!" meowed Pinkpool. "I wonder who their mentors should be…"

Snowcloud watched his love trot to Darkstar's den, admiring her courage of going down to Darkstar's den by herself!

Down below…

"Darkstar!" Pinkpool mewed. "Ivykit and Creamkit need mentors!"

"Whuh…" she tried to reply (she was too busy with her eyes glued to the Donkey Kong screen). "I mean, oh yes! _You _should mentor them, Fireheart! You're the only one who I can trust out of that pack of rogues out there!"

Pinkpool stared at her leader with alarm. "Darkstar," she started cautiously, "How many times have you read Rising Storm?"

Darkstar looked at her guiltily. "72," she admitted. "And a half…"

Pinkpool raised an eyebrow.

"Okay! I confess! 22,962, 4_72 and a half!_ You can mentor the pretty one, and give the ugly one to someone else!"

_Yay! _Pinkpool thought. _I can train with Starnight now! But who to give Ivykit to…_ Suddenly, she got it – Brambleclaw! After dealing with her and Starnight, he could deal with _any _obnoxious kit! "How about Brambleclaw?"

"Fuhwehuh…"

Pinkpool decided that her work here was done, so she went in the elevator and did the electric slide to the music. She had to tell Brambleclaw!

She found him in the corner, with tears streaming out of his eyes. "What's wrong?" she inquired gently.

"WHAA!" he answered. "PINKPATCH DIED!"

"_WHAT?"_ Pinkpool squealed. "_HOW?" _Then Brambleclaw started laughing hysterically.

"Oh, I'm just _joshin'_ ya! HA!" he mrrowed. Then he turned on her in anger. "Why would _you_ wanna know anyway?" he garplunkled (I don't know what that means either!).

"Huh?" Pinkpool stammered. "Brambleclaw – what is wrong with you?"  
"Ah, nothing," he replied calmly. "Just a bit of PMS, that's all."

Pinkpool gave him a very long look before mewing, "I just wanted to tell you, that you're mentoring Ivykit."

"EHMAGAWD!" he shrieked. "That _ugly_ little thing!? I sooo need to give him a makeover!"

Pinkpool backed away slowly, straight into First-aidpaw.

"AHH!" ahhed Pinkpool.

"EEK!" squealed First-aidpaw. "My gawlly, you scared me!"

"Oh, hey First-aidpaw. What's up?"  
"Nothing. Starnight just taught me how to hunt tootsie pops! Tomorrow, we're gonna ask Mr. Owl how many licks it takes to get to the center!"

Pinkpool gave him a look. "Okay.." _I'm surrounded by freaks! _She thought to herself.

"Yep, you are!" mewed First-aidpaw. Pinkpool gulped and figured it was time to find Starnight.

"Erm, why don't we find your mentor?  
"Oh, she went to CVS; Darkstar's dander is starting up again!"

"Oh, dear."

They were interrupted as Darkstar came strolling out of her den with Nightwind and jumped on top of the highrock. "All cats who don't have a life and have nothing better to do, get OVA HEE-UH!"

Every single cat on the planet appeared, along with Bill Cosby, Snoop Dawg, my sixth grade English teacher, and Kirsten Dunst.

"Yo," commented Snoop Dawg.

"You got that right," said Bill, as a laugh track was heard in the back round.

"We gather here to make two peewee stinky heads into apprentices –"

"Fo shizzle!" called Snoop Dawg.

Darkstar stared at him. "Anyway, will the peewees come up here? NOW?"

Ivykit and Creamkit came tumbling over, knocking over Kirsten and Brindleflower (who shouted words at them that aren't appropriate to write). Pinkpool and her former mentor padded to the rock, too.

"Okay!" meowed Darkstar. "Here we go… Okay, you. The freakishly pink dipstick. You are ready for an apprentice, so you will mentor Creampaw."

Pinkpool was too distracted because of being called a dipstick that she didn't realize that Creampaw had trotted over to her, and looked up at her with huge green eyes.

"OH MY GOD!!!" squealed Pinkpool. "YOU'RE SO CUTE!!!" Pinkpool squeezed Creampaw and held her the whole time she came down to the ground.

"Wait!" Creampaw squeaked, muffled. "Don't we hafta touch nosies?"

"NOSIES!" Pinkpool exclaimed. "THAT'S SO CUTE! I LOVE YOU! LET'S GO TRAIN!"

"YAY! Okay! I love you too, Pinkpool!" Pinkpool's shrieks of how cute Creampaw was were heard as they left the camp.

"Okay, then," continued Darkstar. "Brambleclaw, you get a peewee too, 'cause I said so. Okay? Okay. Here you go – free of charge!"

Ivypaw scrambled up to Brambleclaw with an excited look on his face. "Hi! Hi! Can we train? Now? PLEASE??"

But Brambleclaw was grimacing at the little cat, with his long sloppy gray fur and green eyes like his sister, but _she_ had a smooth, glossy cream-colored pelt. "Erg…" he said. "Um, I'm going to start by teaching you how to groom that ball of twigs you call fur! I mean really! How can _any_ cat be so disgusting?"

Ivypaw frowned and padded away, tail drooping. Orchidwhisker came storming up to him.

"I've seen the way you look at my kits, FIreheart!" she growled. "I'm going to make sure that my kits grow up in this clan like any other, no matter what their father did was! If you see something wrong with those kits, I don't!"

Brambleclaw raised an eyebrow; someone _else_ has been reading Rising Storm too much! "Ivypaw!" he called. The little gray cat came bounding over. "I need to tell you something. Your father, Tigerstar, he is a traitor and a murderer! Goldenflower wanted me to tell you!"

Ivypaw looked at him like he was the weirdest cat on the planet (which he probably is). "Uh…" he mewed. "_My _father is Earear. I don't know where you've been, Brambleclaw. And who's Goldenflower? Isn't she the warriors' den's cleaning lady?"

Brambleclaw gulped; his apprentice was bright! "Uh, okay. Why don't you go eat with your sister? She and Pinkpool are returning right now!"

Pinkpool followed her apprentice, mentally thinking how cute she was. Creampaw held a mouse in her mouth, that looked so ugly compared to Creampaw's cuteness.

Creampaw ran over to her brother, whose eyes opened wide at the mouse. "Whoah!" Pinkpool heard him squeak. "A dead mouse! Are you gonna keep it as a pet?"  
Creampaw smartly told him that prey was for eating – well, for feeding Butterpelt, who flew out of nowhere, grabbed the mouse in her mouth, and disappeared.

Pinkpool saw the two apprentices' ears prick; they heard something! GAW! She looked to where their ears were pointed to; and was shocked as a bunch of green beans came out of a bush – GreenBeanClan warriors! And behind them appeared a larger shape; Pinkpool squinted to see who it was, and gasped as she recognized – the OWL!  
"HAHAHA!" the owl laughed; it's "ty" tag bouncing as he laughed. "I told you I would return, didn't I? What, three, four chapters ago? MUAHAHA! _I_ am the new GreenBeanClan leader!" (an upset looking BeanClaw sat next to him). "MUAHAHA!" he continued, after being interrupted by author's commentary. "MY GOD! STOP IT! STOP INTERRUPTING ME!" No! "YES! YOU, WITH YOUR STINKING 0COMMENTARY! STOP IT! STOP IT!" Hahaha! I'm the narrator! I can say what ever I want to! "GERG! CURSE YOU! Hey, reader, would _you_ really want some thirteen-year-old interrupting you whenever you tried to be evil? Gosh!" Hehe! You can't stop me! "Fine, then, get on with it! Anyway, we are here to have revenge for that dimwit you call a leader eating Greenstar!"

Pinkpool gasped – they were being attacked! Wait, no they weren't – why weren't they attacking?

"Haha, author! You think that they aren't attacking?"

"Technically," said Pinkpool, "That wasn't the author. It was third person writing referring to what I was thinking. So, you should be blaming me!"

"WHATEVER! AND NOTICE HOW THERE AREN'T ANY "the owl said's", for I refuse to be commented on by someone who calls themself _Butterpelt30_!" the owl said (haha). "FINE! ATTACK!"

The green beans stayed where they were. "ATTACK!" the owl repeated.

"Um," said Greenfoot. "We're vegetables; we can't move!"

"GERG!" the owl yelled, as Darkstar came out. The owl kicked one of the green beans.

"What's happening?" Darkstar mewed groggily; she had been sleeping in her king-sized bed. She gasped as the green bean flew straight at her and hit her in the eye. She fell, and started writhing on the ground!

Pinkpool watched in horror as his leader lost her final life. She didn't have as many as the other leaders – only six – for she had walked out of the ceremony. She was hungry, and went to the Moonstone's leader's lounge to get some popcorn. She remembered how she lost her other lives: number one – an accident in the Jacuzzi; number two: a very strange incident involving a donkey and a banana; three, _that damned owl with his…. MATH! _Four, when she jumped off highrock, committing suicide after Firestar left the forest (curse you, Butterpelt!); Five, a flaming hamburger that fell from the sky that hit her in the head one day (Shrewpaw was having trouble cooking for himself; Ferncloud can't cook for him anymore!), and Lastly, (a few minutes ago), THE WORST OF THE WORST, BEING SLAUGHTERED BY A GREENBEANCLAN WARRIOR! AHHHH!!!!!!!!

Darkstar's eyes glazed over for the last time, and her writhing stopped. Then she woke up again. "BYE!" she said. Then she fell again, and her eyes glazed over AGAIN (I guess it wasn't the last time).

"NOO!" Nightwind wailed and jammed his nose into her fur. Then he picked it up again, with his nose red and swollen. "MY GOD! SHE'S HARD! BUT I DON'T CARE!" Nightwind pressed his nose into her fur again, a bit less forcefully.

The rest of the clan started wailing, (well, except Butterpelt, who blinked confusedly at the scene). Pinkpool blinked the tears out of her eyes and then got an idea. "Creampaw!" she managed to say. "Go say hi to that nice owl over there!"

The sad looking little (ADORABLE) she-cat said, "What ever you say, Pinkpool," and padded over to the owl, who was laughing maniacally.

"H-hi there Mr. Owl, sir," she said softly. The owl looked down at her with a raised eyebrow. Then his gazed softened.

"EHMAGAWD!" he said. "YOU ARE SOOO CUTE! I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING SO CUTE!" he leaned down and gave her a hug. Creampaw cringed, but stayed where she was; she was such a good apprentice!

"Okay!" the owl laughed. "You win! Buh-bye! Oh, send me some pictures of the little she-cat, would you? I can't get enough of her – she's so delicious! MmM!" He walked out, and the green beans followed him somehow. The owl picked up a warrior and munched as they left the clearing.

Creampaw looked at Pinkpool with sad eyes. "He said I was delicious," she whispered. "Is he gonna eat me, too?"

END OF CHAPTER FIVE


	6. NOONE UNDERSTANDS ME! part one!

Hi! It's BuTTErPelt30 again!!! I know that this is supposed to be BuTTErPelt27's chapter, but she's been VERY VERY busy with eighth grade! I took a long time myself: (.So yeah! YAY! And just warning you – this chap is a looooooong one!

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOWWWW:  
1. There's a lot of French in this chapter!

2. There will be a Chapter six part two cuz ITS TOO LONG!

3. Um, I forget!

Disclaimer: We don't own the yayness of warriors, but I DID have chicken for dinner last night!!!!!!!!

CHAPTER SIX – DAHN DAHN DAHN!!!!!

Starnight gazed in horror at her dead leader's body (which was on a high-quality tempur-pedic mattress with flannel sheets, along with cucumbers over its eyes, ears in a hair towel, and claws recently painted pink). She pressed her nose into its (cucumber-melon-conditioner-smelling) fur, and said her last good-byes.

_Why does everyone I like die?_ She mentally wailed. _Sunfur, Crowfeather, Darkstar, next Pinkpool and First-aidpaw are gonna die too!_ She pushed the thought out of her mind and thrust her head into the sky. "CROWFEATHER!!!!!!!" she cried, tears falling to the ground.

"Yeah?" Starnight heard the voice behind her, and as she turned saw CROWFEATHER! GAW!

"Crowfeather!" she squealed and ran over to him. "Oh my god! Oh my God! I-I finished Sunset, and you know what happened? Well, Brambleclaw –"

"Sh!" Crowfeather hissed, pushing a starry tail in front of her mouth. "Do you want the whole clan – and a bunch of hyper teen-agers – to know what HAPPENED?"

"Well, chya!"

"Well, Don't! But speaking of the new prophecy," Crowfeather's blamber (blue and amber – GAW!) eyes darted from side to side, "Wanna go see the new 'New Prophecy' movie out in theaters?"

"EHMAGAWD!" Starnight shrieked. "The cat who plays Stoneteller is supposed to be such a babe, even though he's all old and crusty! I read it in CosmoGirl! It said Stoneteller was the first place winner for the list of hottest tomcats!" Starnight wriggled with excitement. "I'm gonna go tell Pinkpool and First-aidpaw and toasty –"

"Hey!" whined Crowfeather. "It's supposed to be just US!"

"—and Earear and Creampaw and Ivypaw and Brambleclaw –"

"ACK! I'm going to go start up my T-Bird!"

"Okay! Be right there!" Starnight tumbled off to find Pinkpool, who was staring with great focus at First-aidpaw, whose blue eyes were glued to the Plasma TV set. On it was the video of "Everything you need to know to become a Warrior" by some guy in a purple shirt. On the screen was a really cheap-looking blue-painted sky back round.

Some guy in a purple shirt walked onto the screen as a string of drool came out of First-aidpaw's mouth. "WASN'T THAT GREAT!?" the guy in the purple shirt said with a really creepy smile. "Now you know everything about everything about being a warrior! HAW!"

"Gerrrr bluh squirrel chinky tata…" First-aidpaw drooled. Pinkpool turned off the TV, and he snapped back to normal. "Gawlly!" he chirped. "For some reason, I feel ready to be a warrior!"

"Wow!" said Starnight. "I didn't even have to do anything! Have you shown that to Creampaw, Pinkpool?"

"Nope!" Replied Pinkpool cheerfully. "She's too cute to let go just yet!"

"Great, well, I just wanted to invite y'all to come with me and Crowfeather to the movies, y'heard? But first, we can make First-aidpaw a warrior. Let's go tell Snowstar!"

Yes, he was Snowstar at last. His nine lives had been granted to him: One, from Bluestar, wisdom; Two, from Crookedstar, the ability to do a 34-spin-back-flip through the air; Three, from Nightstar, the ability to arm-wrestle – like a MAN! Four, from Walt Disney, a RAZR phone; Five, from Cinderpelt, a tiffany's necklace, but she quickly returned it when she realized that he wasn't a she-cat, so she got him a game-boy instead; Seven, from Shadepelt, the ability to brush your teeth with a lizard; Eight, from Firestar, agility, courage and all that junk; Nine was supposed to be from Darkstar, but since her gift got eaten by an angry amoeba, Tony the Tiger gave him his "stripes" (they're grrrreat!).

Starnight, First-aidpaw and Pinkpool came down to Snowstar's den, and noted how the elevator music had been changed to high-class rich-people-party music. They came into the den, and realized, puzzled, that they didn't have to shield their eyes from the bright kraft-mac-and-cheese-sauce colored stuff. Instead, they saw high-glossed wooden floors, dim-lighting, a maroon circular couch in the living room and all kinds of stuff you'd find at pottery barn. On the couch sat Snowstar, sipping a guava juice and reading the newspaper, as a fireplace gleamed in the back round.

"Ah, my love," meowed Snowstar. He put his juice down and gave Pinkpool a light kiss on the cheek. "And Starnight! And First-aidpaw! What brings you to my humble, er, not little den?"

First-aidpaw bounced with giddiness. "Eeeeeeeeah shweeeeeeeeeeeee!!!"

He shrieked with joy.

"Of course! Let's go have the ceremony _right now!"_ (Leaders are physic!) Snowstar walked towards the elevator, and the other cats followed.

They arrived at the top, and Snowstar kissed Pinkpool and led her down by her paw. He kicked the others odd, well, except First-aidpaw, so I guess just Starnight. Starnight growled and started cursing in French.

"Now," Started Snowstar, but he was interrupted as the Clan started to weep.

"WHY?" cried Nightwind. "WHY???"

Snowstar gulped; he was _nothing_ like Darkstar! Well, who _is_ like Darkstar? _I'll do it like she would,_ Snowstar thought.

"Um," he began. "All cats who don't have a life and have nothing better to do, uh, get ova heeh-uh?"  
Snowstar sighed with relief as the usual billions of cats appeared.

"Okay, um, I don't feel like going through all that, er, junk, so uh, I'm just gonna give you your name. Okay? Okay."  
"Whoo!" shouted a single cat from the crowd.

"Okay, you will now be known as First-aidequipment. Star-a-mahooey honors you, and, yeah." Snowstar licked First-aidequipment's head, and First-aidequipment put a band-aid on his shoulder and jumped down.

"First-aidequipment! First-aidequipment! First-aid – oh, whatever, your name's too long…" As the cats quieted down again, Snowstar began again…

"Okay," he said. "We also need a new deputy. So I shall do it in song!" The lights went out, and a spotlight shown on Snowstar, who was wearing a top hat.  
"Can't you see –" (dahn dahn) "- We need a new-" (dahn dahn) "Deputeeee! Nightwind Brambleclaw Pinkpool Starnight – which one is RIIIIGHT?" Snowstar cleared his throat and threw off the hat. "Okay then. Yadda Yadda Yadda, PINKPOOL will be the new deputy!" (dahn dahn).

The crowd broke out into applause as Pinkpool put her paw over her chest. Then, all the cats broke up; the billions of cats that had shown up disappeared to, uh, wherever they go, and First-aidequipment's friends came over to congratulate him.

"Yay!" shouted Starnight. "Come on! Let's go!"

The five cats – Crowfeather, Pinkpool, Snowstar, First-aidequipment, Starnight – and the toaster oven drove to the multi-multi-multi-multi-multi-multiplex to see the movie.

"I want popcorn!" whined First-aidequipment.

"Sure," mewed Pinkpool. "But first I have to find out how much tickets for Warriors cost. _You'd _get a discount if you were still an apprentice, First-aidequipment. Oh, and I need a toaster oven ticket, too."

Pinkpool managed to buy 5 Warrior tickets and one toaster oven ticket. They piled into the theatre.

The movie started:

The screen turned black and soft music started in the back round. The blackness faded to reveal Brambleclaw (the first). He was crying.

"Oh!" he cried. "Oh, Starclan! Help me! Dustpelt thinks I'm gay because I'm so EMOTIONAL!"

"Well, are you?" a voice was heard from behind, and Brambleclaw whipped around.

"BLUESTAR!" he yelped. "No, I'm not! Why doesn't anyone _understand_ me?"

"Because…" she said and started to fade away.

"No, wait! COME BACK!"

"Grr!" growled the fading Bluestar. "Crookedstar! I'm not supposed to fade yet! Stop messing with the fading machine!" She was restored back to normal as Crookedstar's giggle was heard from above. "Anyway," continued Bluestar irritably. "Because you're such a BABY!"

Brambleclaw's lip trembled. "But Squirrelpaw keeps being a meanie!"

Bluestar raised a starry eyebrow. "Okay then, by now, I'm beginning to question my own judgment…. Anyway, I'm here to give you a message."

Brambleclaw blew his nose. "I bet it's BAD news, isn't it?" He started wailing into his paws.

"Well, yeah, it is. Okay. The forest is going to be destroyed by artificial cheese, so you guys gotta go. With three other cats, you will – oh, whatever, didn't you read the book?"

Brambleclaw wept harder. "NO! Goldenflower said it would be too _scary_ for me!"

Bluestar's eye twitched. "I can't believe they made me do this stupid movie!" she muttered with anger. "Um, okay then. You will listen to what Midnight tells you! Now go away! I have strawberry yogurt waiting for me! Hit it, Crookedstar!" she faded away. And Brambleclaw started crying – again.

In the crowd…

Starnight's ears twitched with annoyance as she heard crying from behind her. She turned around to shush them, and saw Brambleclaw!

"I'm really like that, you know!" he was wailing. Brightheart, who was next to him, patted his back and gave him a tissue.

In the Movie, about a half an hour in…

Brambleclaw approached Tawnypelt.

"'Ello, my buh-ther," she meowed with a French accent. "Vat ees wrong?"

"EVERYTHING!" he sobbed. "Bluestar says that we're all gonna die fr-from…"

"VAT? Speak, boy!"

"ARTIFICIAL CHEESE! And she says that me n' 3 other cats hafta listen to what Midnight tells us! Midnight is _scary_, Tawnypelt!" Brambleclaw whimpered.

Tawnypelt looked at him, puzzled. "Deed you say Meednight? For my old leeder, Nightstar, came to moi, veeth zhe same messeege. 'E said, 'leesten to vat Meednight tells you!"

"But-but – who are the others!"  
"Je ne sais pas! Demandons quelque chats!"

"YOU KNOW I CAN'T SPEAK FRENCH LIKE YOU CAN, TAWNYPELT! NOONE UNDERSTANDS ME! AND NOW I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU!" Brambleclaw blew his nose loudly into his hanky.

Tawnypelt rolled her green eyes for being stuck with such a babyish, not-French brother. "Fine," she said, in English. "I do not know. Let us ask some of zhe cats. Or, vee look around zhe clearing, to zee eef any of zhe cats look like zhey 'ad a veird duh-eam."

The siblings looked around zhe clearing, and their eyes laid on Feathertail and Stormfur, who looked like they had just swallowed a frog. Well, they probably had; who knows what them crazy River folk do?  
Feathertail's giant bling necklace hung from around her neck, with a baggy white T-shirt on and huge, size 34-sneakers. Stormfur, who sat next to her, wore a fluffy pink boa, and a long, shimmery white evening gown (this is for you, Mistytail's hope!)

Brambleclaw and Tawnypelt approached them.

"'Ello," said Tawnypelt. "Vee vere vondering eef you two vould've 'appened to 'ave any –"

"Yo!!!" shouted Feathertail. "Whazzup? And whuzzappenin' with the accent, yo? You sound like that Hawkfrost dawg!"

Tawnypelt turned her attention to Hawkfrost, and padded over to him. A few minutes later, they walked away together romantically, speaking in French.

"WAIT!" sobbed Brambleclaw. "COME BACK!"

"Oh, darling!" meowed Stormfur. "What ever is the matter?"

"Bluestar and Nightwind came and said the forest would be destroyed and-"

"Hold up," interrupted Feathertail. "You talkin' 'bout what I think you are? Cauze my dawg, Oakheart, came to Featherdawg in a dreamizzle, an' he said, 'Yo! You gotsta leave the hizzouse, yo! Git!' And I was like, 'Yo!' and he was like, 'Yo!' and I was like, 'Yo!' –"  
Brambleclaw walked away, mentally crying, _No one likes me! _But Stormfur stopped him.

"Come, darling," he gushed. "Let's go chiffon shopping! And then we can go to Louis Vuitton! Huhhuhhuh!" Stormfur locked arms with the crying (what else is new) Brambleclaw, and strutted off with him to the mall. YAYY!

End of Chapter six part one

(STAY TUNED FOR CHAPTER SIX PART TWO! GAW!)


	7. NOONE UNDERSTANDS ME! part two! GAW!

HI! BuTTErPelt30 here! Here's chapter six part two!!!!!  
YAYY!

CHAPTER SIX PART TWO

About _2 hours_ into the movie…

"Ah we there yet?" mewed Squirrelpaw with her British accent. "Because I'm getting rather tired. Stormfur, you look rather dashing in that gown." Squirrelpaw looked at him sweetly.

"Why, thank you darling," chirped Stormfur, patting his bright blue dress. "I got it at the Westchester! Bramby wouldn't _dare_ get the matching green one, so I settled for buying a pair of purple and orange slacks! HUHUHUH!" Stormfur reapplied his lipstick.

Brambleclaw was trembling with horror and whimpering miserably in the slacks, very uncomfortable. Squirrelpaw turned on him with an evil eye.

"OH, SHUT UP, WILL YOU?" she hissed, her innocent British accent disappearing. " YOU'RE SUCH A BABY!" Suddenly, she smiled sweetly again as Brambleclaw piped down. "Tha's bettah! Now, where is this sun-drown-place?

"Yoo, Dawg!" yipped Feathertail. "That was _hawt_ dude! I was getting' so deaf from _his _shrieks that I couldn't hear mah SnoopDawg, Dawg!"

Suddenly SnoopDawg's head popped into the air, and said, "DAWG!" Then it disappeared again.

"Vere do you teenk vee should go, C-ohpaw?" Tawnypelt asked a rock that had two cat ears and a black happy face painted on it; since the real one died, they used that rock instead.

"Uh," said a voice obviously from off the set. "Er, why don't we, erm, follow the sun?"

"I SAID THAT!" squealed Brambleclaw. "MEANIE! EVERYONE'S STEALING FROM ME!"

All the cats (and the rock) looked expectantly at Squirrelpaw, who had a twitching eye and smoke coming from her ears. With her tail fluffed out, she leapt on top of that whimp – uh, I mean BRAMBLECLAW – and the cat screech that you hear in _every bloody cartoon_ was heard as a giant fight cloud appeared. When it cleared, Brambleclaw had the most miserable face in existence, for all the fur on his head had been ripped out, and he was wearing the matching green dress that Stormfur had mentioned. ("HUHUHUH!" giggled Stormfur as Squirrelpaw trotted triumphantly back to them. "I guess I HAD brought it along, just incase he changed his mind! HUHUHUH!")

"YOU'RE MEAN!" Brambleclaw whined at Squirrelpaw, whose sweet, innocent Britishness had returned. "And you're mean too!" he shouted at the off-set voice. "NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!" Brambleclaw started crying again, realizing that the other cats had moved ahead during his pointless rant.

"Come on!" shouted Tawnypelt from 5 miles ahead. "Ve're almost there!"

Brambleclaw sniffled one more time, ripped the dress off, sat on it like a magic carpet, and flew into the horizon (and he started wailing again when he stubbed his toe on a seagull that was flying by).

A few (CHEAPLY MADE) hours later…

Tawnypelt, Stormfur, Feathertail, Brambleclaw, Squirrelpaw, and "_Crowpaw"_… yeah… gazed down at Midnight, the badger. Brambleclaw sat next to Feathertail, covered in seaweed, silently weeping because no one had jumped in to save him when he had fell into the sea, except for the sun, and it drowned. Brambleclaw had fallen in _so many times _that they changed its name to Brambleclaw-drown-place.

The badger, who was reading Cosmogirl (about Stonteller, of course) finally saw the cats there, and put her magazine down. She trotted over them wisely, and then cleared its throat. After looking very smart and wise for a few more moments, she said, "EHMAGAWD! HI! I'M LIKE, SO GLAD TO LIKE, MEET YOU! COME LIKE, ON, LIKE!"

The badger strutted back down to her den (which was bright pink and purple with Kelly Clarkson blasting), as the cats argued whose turn it was to carry Crowpaw. Finally, they agreed on Stormfur, and when his lil' ole' arms couldn't hold it and it dropped and cracked, a guy in all black was seen replacing the rock with a pineapple.

"Um, it's all right guys!" said "Crowpaw." "I'm, uh, okay! Yeah!"

Suddenly the screen got all black-and-whit fuzzy, and screams were heard in the back round.

"AHH!" Squirrelpaw's voice shrieked. "THE VANILLA PUDDING IS TAKING OVER!"

With a final "Ehmagawd!" from Midnight, the screen went black, and two cats groaned (the others started singing "hallelujah!" and doing the horah because they didn't have to watch that piece of rubbish any more).

Pinkpool rubbed her throbbing forehead (wouldn't _you_ have a headache after spending 6 days straight in a movie theatre?) _That was the worst movie I've ever seen!_ Pinkpool thought with a frown.

"THAT WAS THE BEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN!" squealed Starnight. Crowfeather, on the other hand, did not look happy.

"I am _not_ a pineapple!" he murmured miserably. Then he lifted his head into the sky. "I AM NOT A PINEAPPLE!!"

"It's all right, Crowfeather," Snowstar meowed reassuringly. "We know you're not; you're _so_ a mango!"

Crowfeather stared at him wildly, until something big and blue fell on top of Snowstar. The others gathered around and started mewing anxiously.

"Barbar bar!" said the thing. "Barbarbar!"

Suddenly, Snowstar coughed. "It's a sign from (cough) STAR-A-MA-HOOEY!" he rasped. "WE MUST GET TO CAMP (splutter) IMMEDIATELY (hack hack)."

"Barbar BAR! BAR BAR BAR!" the thing barked.

"My good Gawlly gawsh!" shrieked First-aidequipment. "It's BLUE!"

"Bar bar bar!" barked Blue. Then Blue went over, and put her paw on Crowfeather's head. She took it off, and then there was a blue's clue on his head. Crowfeather's lip trembled and he sniffled.

"Barbar bar!" said Blue.

"WAIT!" shouted Pinkpool all of a sudden (as Starnight spit into a tissue and washed the clue off of Crowfeather's head). "I THINK I KNOW WHAT SHE'S SAYING!"

"Bar bar bar!!!" Blue yelped.

"Hmm… I see…"

"What did she say??" First-aidequipment asked softly.

"She said: 'Yeah… Get to your camp now, 'cause you're gonna be invaded and stuff, and also…"

"BAR BAR BAR!"

"' COULD YOU PLEASE GET ME AWAY FROM THAT FREAK IN THE GREEN SHIRT? HE KEEPS ASKING STRANGE DISEMBODIED KIDS' VOICES TO FIND ME, AND IT'S REALLY CREEPING ME OUT!' That's what she said…"

"Oh…" Snowstar meowed hoarsely. "THEN we MUST get back to camp immediately!"

"You said that already!"

"THEN LET'S GO!"

"BAR BAR BAR!!!!!!!" Blue cried desperately ("take me with you!!!!!!!!!!!") as Steve appeared, grabbed Blue, and flew back up into the sky.

"WHADDYA FER SNACK, BLUUUE??? DON'T KNOW? TIME TO PLAY… BLUE'S CLUES!!!! MUAHAHAHA!" Steve shrieked creepily as Blue's yowl was heard.

"YAYY!" said the disembodied kids' voices.

The cats blinked at the scene, and hurried back to camp.

Back at camp…

Ivypaw washed his greasy fur the way Brambleclaw (the second) had taught him, making sure to get all the clumps out, when all of a sudden a little ball of star light fell from the sky. It got up, and Ivypaw recognized it immediately.

"Treekit!" he mewed with delight. "Why are you here? You died at birth!"

"I wanna be an appwentice!" Treekit squeaked. Then another starry bundle fell down.

"ME TOO!" said Littlekit.

"And ME!" said Redkit, who had fallen as well. Ivypaw gasped as dozens and dozens of Starclan kits came falling from the sky, filling the clearing.

"I'm hungry!!" Hollykit (yes, from Thunderclan) was squealing as she ran after Orchidwhisker.

"Can we go HUNTING?" Greenkit from GreanBeanClan was mewing.

"I want MY MOMMY!!" mewled Gingerkit, as Skykit tumbled around with Stonekit.

"HELP!" screamed Ivypaw. "EVERY KIT THAT EVER DIED EVER IS INVADING! HELP!" But no one heard him, for the squeals of the Starclan kits were too loud! GAW!!!!!!!!!!!

Some place or another….

Starnight gasped for breath as she and the other cats (and the toaster oven, who was clanking behind them) ran towards the camp. _What could possibly invade us NOW? I'M HungRY! _All thoughts of the invasion were lost from Starnight's mind as she happily imagined herself chomping down on a ham sandwich.

"We're almost there!" Snowstar panted.

Starnight's ears pricked as she heard squeals and mews coming from the camp entrance. _Grr…… _she thought grumpily. _HERBPAW! You better not be disturbing everyone with your obnoxious video game, "Kit Invasion 3000!" If I find you…_

But it WASN'T Herbpaw and the most annoying sound-effects you'll ever find in a video game ever!

Starnight gasped at the scene around her as she entered the camp. "MY GAWLLY!" she heard First-aidequipment squeak, and she agreed with him:

Orchidwhisker was caterwauling miserably as seven kits jumped up and down on her stomach. Brindleflower was hissing non-stop as at least two dozen bouncing kits were coming near her, asking her to read them a story. Brambleclaw and Pinkpatch, who were performing a very lovely opera, had been forced to put on a performance of "DORA THE EXPLORER!" And what a horror it was…

"Er…" Pinkpatch gulped. "Swiper, no swiping?"

The kits laughed their evil little high-pitched laughs.

"AWWWW MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!!" Brambleclaw bellowed, in his most attractive baritone voice.

"Ew!" Fogkit mewed with disgust. "That's ICKY!"

"YEAH!" shouted Pearkit, Berrykit, and YEehAWkit (what a cruel mother that kit must've had). The four kits leapt on top of Brambleclaw, who gave a frightened yelp.

"ACK!" exclaimed Starnight. "IT'S THE INVASION OF THE STARCLAN KITS!"

DAHN DAHN DAHN!!!

END OF CHAPTER SIX… REALLY… IT'S THE END!

And guess WHAT? BuTTErPelt27 is currently writing a special Halloween chapter for the Snowclan cats! YEEHAW!


	8. Bloody hell!

Gawlly Gee – that took a long time!!

BuTTErPelt30 here, with (FINALLY!) chapter seven, or, chapter eight if you consider "NO ONE LIKES ME part 2" to be chapter seven… eh… don't wanna think that much! Here it is!

DIsCLAIMER: I gots mee self a house, I gots mee self a family, I gots mee self a HAMSTER, but me no gots no warriors, YO!!!

CHAPTER SEVEN – INVASION OF THE STARCLAN KITS!!!

Dahn Dahn DAHN!!!!

Starnight gulped, breathing in and out as she stood before the Warriors' den door. She looked behind her, getting encouraging, frightened nods and faces from the rest of the warriors, who were sitting in the living room – where they had been for the last eight days.

"Go for it," whispered Earear, who was sitting by the fireplace, eating cheese and crackers. "Tell us if it's safe…"

Starnight nodded back slowly, looked at the huge oak door, and opened it a smidge (hee hee – SMIDGE!). Her ears flattened automatically with the overwhelming sounds of squeaks, mewls, and whines (and the annoying sound of Earear crunching on Triscuits ©). "Well," she muttered, "Here I go…"

She leapt out, and her eyes opened wide at the silence that greeted her. Thousands of pairs of little starry eyes looked at her. "Erm," Starnight stammered. "…Hi."

"HI!" shouted three or four kits.

"Awe you goin' hunting?" squeaked little Treekit.

"Uh…" _Just stay quiet! _Hissed Starnight's inner-self. _Then they won't react! _"You're right!" she said to her inner-self, but then gritted her teeth with dread as she heard a thousand excited gasps.

"CAN WE COME?" yipped all of the high-pitched voices. "PLEASE?"

"No, _I _get to go!" mewed Skykit triumphantly. "'Cause _I'm_ her sister!"

"Me too!" squeaked Grasskit.

"No you're not!" hissed Chachachakit (her father was Nightwind). "You're a _boy!'_

"I am?" mewed Grasskit, looking confused. "I died before anyone told me what gender I am!"

"You didn't watch the puberty video?" gasped Mistkit with amazement. "_My _Mommy showed it to me!"

Suddenly, the whole clearing broke out once again into angry squeals as the Starclan kits argued whether Grasskit was a boy or a girl. Starnight edged away into the forest slowly, hoping not to be seen. But Fogkit SAW! GAW!

"Hey!" she squealed over the ado, "She's going without us!"

The whole clearing grew silent again, until all of the kits ran after Starnight calling, "Wait for me! Wait for me!"

"AACK!" shouted Starnight with terror as she heard all of the obnoxious little bundles running after her. "Mental note," she told her inner self. "NEVER, EVER HAVE KITS!!" Starnight ran deeper and deeper into the forest as the squeals grew louder.

Back in the Warriors' den…

Pinkpool laid back in the mushy purple recliner in the living room, thinking worriedly about where Starnight could be; all she had heard from outside where lots of squeals. _Oh no! _She mentally gasped, sitting up in the chair. _They've eaten her!_ She got up quickly and ran towards the door to save her friend, but bumped into someone. She looked up and saw a skinny boy with messy black hair, green eyes, and a scar on his fore head.

"Oh, ex-cooz me, Proh-fessah McGawnigall!" he said, straightening his glasses. "Hurry up you goiys!' he shouted behind his shoulder.

"Wee-uh coming!" shouted a girl with bushy brown hair and large front teeth as she entered the room.

"Bloody hell!" said a boy with flaming red hair behind the girl.

Pinkpool stared at them with awe as they passed her and sat down in front of the fire-place.

"What ah we going to do abou' _Vold –_" started the boy.

"BLOODY HELL!" the Red-headed boy shrieked.

"Sorray," said the boy. "Yoo-know-hoo? He's coming to get may (me)! AAH!"

"Bloody hell," murmured the Red-Head.

"May-bay we cood foind out in ay book!" said the girl.

"Bloody hell!" the Red-head barked at her.

"Sorray, but ah _lahke _books, you know," the girl muttered, defeated.

"Yays (yes), we _know _Hermione," the boy told her gently, "but ah don' think we cood foind it in ay book!"

Pinkpool gasped all of a sudden. The three kids turned and looked at her, their faces glowing orange from the fire.

"Wha' is it, Proh-fessah?" asked the girl.

"You guys are from Harry Potter aren't you?" Pinkpool asked excitedly.

"Bloody hell!?" the Red-head replied, knitting his eyebrows.

"Rawn's raht," Harry said. "We don't know what yoh tawking abou-oot, Proh-fessah!"

"It's a book, you see," Pinkpool explained, wondering why they thought she was Professor McGonagall. "Here, I'll show you!"

She brought them to her room, and showed them the books, 1-6.

"Is my nose really tha' red?" asked Harry, concerned, as he looked at the first book's cover.

"Moi teeth ah-rent _tha'_ big, ah they?" Hermione squeaked, as she read the second book in four minutes.

"Bloody hell!" muttered Ron, as he flipped through book five.

All of a sudden, Starnight burst into the room ("BLOODY HELL!" screamed Harry, Ron, and Hermione with shock.) She was panting, and her eyes were open wide.

"Th-they're COMING!" she shrieked, and hid under the bed.

"WHAT?" Pinkpool squealed. "NO! Wha-what _happened _out there?!"

"Well," Starnight mewed, muffled, for the top half of her was under the bed. "I went outside, and, uh, they saw me! And they followed me into the forest when I left to hunt, and now they want to show me the "tiny shrews they're proudly carrying in their mouths."

"Bloody hell…" Pinkpool murmured, shaking her head. "Where are they now?"

"R-right OUTSIDE!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Bloody hell!" Ron squeaked from where he was on the bed, holding a bright pink pillow over his face.

"Hurry!" Pinkpool continued. "We've got to bring everyone to the spa! You need a key to get in!"

Pinkpool, Starnight, Harry, Ron and Hermione (who had NO IDEA what was going on) ran to the living room, where everyone was watching some cheesy soap opera. On the screen was a man, with brown hair blowing in the wind, dirt on his face, dark brown eyes, tan skin, and a torn white-collar shirt. In his arms was a pretty woman with wavy blond hair, and a torn red party dress. She had tears in her green eyes.

"Oh, George!" she whined in a high-pitched voice. "You saved me from those terrible robbers!"

"Guys!" Pinkpool hissed at everyone. "We need to –"

"Up up up!" Pinkpatch interrupted her, holding her paw in her sister's face, as George said:

"It was the only thing I could do, Molly."

"But no!" Molly squealed. "There could be MORE! W-we could run away together! Be lovers!"

"I am sorry," George said softly in a deep voice and releasing her from his grip. "But this town needs me!" Molly started crying into her beautiful hands.

"Oh!" Nightwind cried, wiping his eyes, as sniffles were heard from everyone else.

Suddenly, the TV went black. Meows of protest were heard as Pinkpool stepped in front of the TV, remote in her paw.

"Guys!" she repeated with frustration over the yowls and whines. "Guys! THE KITS ARE COMING!"

The room went silent. Then everyone was running around the room screaming as Starnight hid under the couch cushion, Pinkpool tried to regain composure in the room, and Harry, Ron, and Hermione apparated out so they wouldn't be late for Charms.

"WHY?" bellowed Nightwind on top of the coffee table. "WHY IS FATE SO CRUEL!?!?"

"SHUSh!" Pinkpool hissed, but they wouldn't stop! Pinkpool ran to the closet, got a cow, put it in the middle of the room, and kicked it in the side. It gave a huge moo.

"MOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" it mooed.

Everyone went quiet.

"Now," continued Pinkpool softly. "We're going to go to the spa RIGHT NOW! OKAY? OKAY!"

"But what about everyone ELSE?" Twigface asked cutely. "You KNOW, like Snowstar, an' thuh elderssss, an' –"

"ACK!" Pinkpool growled, smacking her head. "They have Butterpelt! Don't worry! NOW GO!"

Suddenly, the magic carpet from Aladdin flew in through the ceiling (everyone   
"oooed" and "aaaahed"), picked everyone else, and "SHOWED THEM tHE WORLD!!! SHINING SHIMMERING SPLENDID! TELL ME PRINCESS – WHEN DID YOU LAST LET YOUR HEART DECIDE!!!!"  
(a few musical hours later)

After "seeing the world," the warriors were safely delivered to the spa. Pinkpool, who by now had a throbbing temple and a twitching eye, slammed the door open, and gritted her teeth at the site that met her: Missy, from AISHACLAN, still sitting in the mud bath from chapter two, with cucumbers over her eyes. She had the voles, who worked in the spa, giving her a pedicure.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Pinkpool barked at her. Missy flinched with surprise, flinging the voles on her feet across the room, and accidentally sending one of her cucumbers flying into Brambleclaw's face.

"Like," she said lazily, taking another cucumber from a bowl next to her and putting it on her eye, "Being fabulous. Why do you care?" She clapped her paws, and the voles, who were drenched (they had fallen into the pool), came rushing back to her feet.

"Because," Pinkpool snapped, her face beginning to turn red, "BECAUSE! NOW GET OUT!" She lurched at Missy, grabbed her by the ears, and threw her head first through the door. The voles ran after her, squeaking in vole, waving the pedicure supplies in their little paws.

"Now then," Pinkpool said unusually calmly, and locking the door. "Make yourself at home – I'll be in the yoga room!" She glared at all of them, daring them to reply, and then stomped off, the tip of her tail twitching.

As the yoga door slammed, the rest of the warriors started whispering worriedly, wondering what would happen to them. Suddenly, ears pricked as a thump was heard from the door.

"Oh, no…" First-aidequipment whispered. "THEY'RE HERE!"

The whole room was absolutely silent, as another thump, and some mewls, were heard from the door. All of them heard their breath as they heard:

"So what do we do now?" shouted a voice that sounded like Grasskit.

"Ah dunno; all I saw were thuh grown-ups a-goin' in here!" Squeaked another kit.

"Hey!" shouted another.

"What, Pearkit?" the second kit asked.  
"We're dead!"

"Well SPOTTED!" shouted another, probably Fogkit.

"_Yeah,_" continued Pearkit. "But can't we just go _through_ the DOOR?"

"Oh yeah!" mewed three or four kits.

"LET'S GO!" squeaked Fogkit, who had become their kind of kit-leader.

The warriors in the room looked at each other, terrified, looking for a hiding spot. Then, all eyes laid upon the mud bath. Five seconds later, all of the warriors splashed into the mud, just as the first few kits came through the door.

_If they find us,_ Starnight thought, terrified. _WE'LL BE ANNOYED FOREVER!_

About twenty-five kits had entered the room by now. They were looking around. Then, one of them gave out a cry.

"THEY DON'T LIKE US!" the kit, a little orange she-cat, mewled. The other kits' lips trembled, and they started crying too.

"Aww," Starnight gurgled in the mud. "All they want is love!" She started to get out, but felt someone pulling on her tail.

"No!" Brambleclaw hissed at her, but it was too late. She had gotten out, and every single kit -- 1,6457.6 to be exact (don't ask me who the point six is!) – laid there eyes on her.

DAHN DAHN DAHN!!!

speaks in overly dramatic announcer voice WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO STARNIGHT? WILL SHE SURVIVE? STAY TUNED FOR CHAPTER EIGHT OF – THE STRANGEST PREY EVER FOUND IN A WARRIORS STORY!!

Myaaaaa – I always wanted to do that !


	9. whaaaaaaa!

HI

This isn't a chapter, I just wanted to write this to tell you that chapter 8/9 will be up soon –

But I gotss a problem cuz i left my notebook at school (cries) so I can't get it up yet!!!

WHAAAAA!

Plus its winter break, so it'll be a week till I can get me notebook….

But just wait….. Ill have it up soon!

Bye!

3 3 3,

BuTTErPelt30


	10. Crusty announcer dudes suck!

THANK GOD!

I FINALLY GOTTA HOLD ON MY NOTEBOOK!

SO HERE'S CHAPTER NINE!!!!!!

(plus, BuTTErPelt27 would like to announce that she won't be writing ne moh chapsss

WHAAAAAAAAAAA!)

Here i' tis

CHAPTER 8

Starnight gulped, as once again, she stood, covered in mud, in front of the Starclan kits (well, she wasn't covered in mud the first time… I don't think…).

"Um…" Starnight murmured as they blinked at her. Then, it hit her – _WHAT AM I DOING!?? _"ACK!!"

Starnight ran for the yoga room hearing thousands of tiny claws click on the floor (wait a minute… they're ghosts! oh well – That sentence has a certain ring to it that I like ) behind her. She slammed the door open with her foot, as danger/adventure/spy music started in the background (doo doo DOO DOO DOO!!!!). Then everything went in slow motion as Starnight flew the air saying "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" like in all the movies, as a few explosions of fire came up behind her, for effect. Then the kits flew threw the air, shouting, "WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!" in slow motion as well, fire continuing. Then the kits realized that flying around the room is MUCH, more fun than chasing that gwon-up awound! They began to soar around the room, somehow bouncing off the walls. Meanwhile, Pinkpool stood in the middle of the room doing the "tree" position on a yellow mat, as kit after kit flew through her (HOW CAN THEY BOUNCE OFF THE WALLS? HOW!??!?!?) (gosh that was a long paragraph…).

Pinkpool gave out a long relaxed sigh and settled all of her paws down on the ground. Just as Wingkit flew through her head, Pinkpool breathed in and out one more time, and opened her blue eyes. Her pupils went tiny as they looked from the flying kits to Starnight (who was now trying to stuff herself into the exercise ball closet – a few bounced out) and then back to the kits again.

"STOP!" she screeched with abnormal loudness, and the kits froze. Starnight gave out a whimper as the closet door flew open, sending all of the balls – and her – shooting to the other side of the room (WE'RE FREE!" squealed a ball, and the others whooped with agreement. "We're finally FREE!" The balls all faded to some weird ball dimension to have a tea party).

Pinkpool was looking very not relaxed as she trembled with anger. "You force me to do this," she whispered angrily, and went to a closet labeled "Random Closet."

She opened the door, and after throwing over her shoulder a goat, a narwhal. and a 60 pound barrel of BUSH's chili, she dragged out a plasma TV and put it in the room. A single squeak broke the silence.

"TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE VEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!" squealed the little orange kit (Gingerkit!).

"YAY!" the other kits boomed. Then, one by one, they flew to sit neatly in front of the television.

"Backyardigans!" chirped Redkit.

"No, the Wiggles!" hissed Qkit (I like Q!).

"NO!" yowled Fogkit. above the ado. They all stopped to listen to their leader. "LITTLE BEAR!"

"YEAH!" the rest of them agreed, shaking the floor. "LITTLE BEAR! LITTLE BEAR!" they chanted as Pinkpool padded to the TV with a sly look on her face.

"Yes, Little kits," she said, grinning corruptly, "You'll get your TV…"

She clicked it on with the remote, but it definitely wasn't little bear – on the screen was the History Channel, with the most boringest, bleckiest documentary of Ancient Greece Ever.

"And then the people built stuff," said a crusty old narrator.

"NOOO!" the kits screeched. "BORING!"

They began to squirm with pain, and then all started to fade (to the ball dimension; as kit after kit rained upon the balls – who were playing jenga now. The balls ran around panic, screaming, "NOOO!"). All except the Catclan kits, who sat there watching intently as the crusty voice explained what a bird is, and then counted every bird that has EVER existed in ancient Greece.

Starnight (who was buried under the remaining backs who weren't special enough to come to life) blinked as she took in what had just happened. Pinkpool, on the other hand, was hopping gleefully around the room, singing, "HIT THE ROAD, KITS! AND DONTCHA COME BACK NO MOH NO MOH NO MOH NO MOH!" With Pinkpool's terrible singing, the windows shattered, the balls popped, the Television exploded ("Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa," the Catclan kits droned, all with the same flat voice), and three or four dead birds fell from the sky outside. Suddenly, Snowstar and Brambleclaw came bursting into the room, looking confused as they flew through the air in slow motion while fire came up behind them (I guess that happens every time someone enters the yoga room…).

When they had safely landed, Snowstar squealed, "Are you all right? We heard Pinkpool screech out with TERROR!"

Pinkpool's lip trembled for a moment before she said,

"THAT WAS MY SINGING!"

Snowstar gulped and backed out of the room slowly. Starnight and Pinkpool looked expectantly at Brambleclaw.

Starnight rocketed into the air (hitting her head on the ceiling), and then flew clumsily towards the door, with KFC dudes flying around her head (he's her idol ). Pinkpool cried into her paws as sad violin music started, and ran to the door, crying girlishly.

"WAIT, Pinkpool!" said a tall, handsome man with brown hair as he held his hand out to the door, who had come out of nowhere. "Tiffany kissed ME! I love YOU!"

Brambleclaw looked at him with a raised eyebrow and a frown. The guy chuckled.

"Sawrry," he said. "I'll leave now! I'm coming, Tiffany!" he shouted out the window.

"No, Brad!" squealed a crying female voice from outside. "You obviously love that Pinkpool better!" Her footsteps were heard as she ran away. The violin started again.

"Baby!" the guy screamed over the music. "Come on! I'm just acting here! BABY!" he jumped out the window, and after a thud and a grunt, his footsteps were heard as well.

Brambleclaw blinked once more at the window, and then trotted out the door.

END OF CHAPTER 8

(sorry ferrr the WAIT!!!!!!)


	11. The SCOTTISH ACCENT FROM NOWHERE!

Hi there!!!!!!

Here's chapter nine!!!!!!

whoo

DISCLAIMER: Je _veux _je posseder les Warriors, mais je ne peux pas! Bof!

CHAPTER NOIN!

Pinkpool sniffled as she padded back to the camp (through the museum, corn fields, lake, Olympic size pool, and TO SCALE Antarctica model – with real penguins!!!) with the rest of the Clan, next to Daisypaw, Herbpaw, and Rabbitpaw. None of them looked happy.

"Why can't _we _be warriors?" Daisypaw was whining. "Cloudtail become one _ages _ago. Maybe we should go into the forest and get ripped apart by DOGS!! Okay, Herbpaw – your face'll get ruined forever –" Herbpaw squeaked with protest – "and Rabbitpaw, you can die –" Rabbitpaw's green eyes opened wide " – and _I'll _escape wonderfully without a scratch!" Daisypaw smiled, self-satisfied, at the others, who both had wide, scared eyes as they pictured their fates in front of them. Rabbitpaw gave out a faint whimper.

_Oh, no! _Pinkpool thought with alarm. _They've been reading A Dangerous Path__ too???_ Then Pinkpool processed more thoroughly what Daisypaw had said.

"WHAT!?" she shrieked. "You can't do THAT! And where are you gonna get _dogs,_ anyway?" Pinkpool stared at them challengingly.

"Eh," Daisypaw replied, shrugging, as Rabbitpaw and Herbpaw silently begged her to save them. "You know that 'Pet of the Week' column in the newspaper? We could use that…"

"Well, yeah… Wait, NO! Look, if I ask Snowstar –" (Pinkpool fanned herself as she thought of Snowstar and little hearts fluttered above her head – like in the SIMS 2 NIGHTLIFE!!! GAW!!!!) "—to make you guys into warriors, will you _not _rip yourself apart by dogs?"

Herbpaw and Rabbitpaw sighed with relief, but Daisypaw whined, "Awwww – I wanted to escape wonderfully without a scratch… But _fine! _Just make it snappy!"

"Great!" sighed Pinkpool as she trotted off to find Snowstar. She saw a little white poof at the front of the crows, and rushed toward it. "Honey, I –"

Pinkpool stopped as she saw that she was talking to _Muffin_, the spazzy white dog from BLUEAISHA's dog army. Then she "fluffed her fur out so that she looked twice her size, and drew her lips back in a snarl."

"What are _you_ doing here?" she hissed at him.

"I-" Muffin started, gazing around wildly, all ADD like. "I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I- OMG! Lookit THAT!!!!!!" Muffin was pointing a shaking finger at a clock on the wall, that was a little Twoleg whose eyes and legs move back and forth as it ticks.

"Yeah, I always liked that clock…" Pinkpool watched it move for a second. "Hey! Focus!" she barked at Muffin, who was already running for the pogo sticks (what an incredibly small attention span…). "I'm YELLING AT YOU AND 'DRAWING MY LIPS BACK IN A SNARL'!"

But Muffin had already lost interest of the pogo sticks, and was heading towards the gymnastics balance beam. He jumped on and laughed kookily as he bounced around on the thing.

Pinkpool felt her temper begin to rise again as she watched the moron bounce back and forth. "EXCUSE ME FOR ASKING, BUT WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?!?!" At Pinkpool's last shriek, a piece of ceiling fell and landed on the bouncing Muffin. The laughing stopped. Then, Muffin pushed off the bit of ceiling, and crawled dizzily back to Pinkpool.

"Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyye (I)," he began, "Hafta… deliver… Petalpaw… OMG – lookit THAT! Dizziness forgotten, he bolted off to the trampoline to bounce up and down.

"Excuse me," Pinkpool murmured, her eyes following him, "But _who?_"

"Petal--" bounce "—paw—" bounce "—she—" bounce "—hasta stay—" bounce "—here—" bounce "--While we--" bounce "—go to—" bounce "—battle—" bounce.

"Why?" Pinkpool asked as Muffin landed in front of her. "And _who_ are you battling?"

Heyyyyyyyyyyy its Franklin – boing boing boing boing boing boing boing boing

Oh sorry – that was just in my head – I'll continue now!!

"Because _last _battle, she sat in the middle of the battle, blasting 'My hips don't Lie' on her phone as she texted her friends from CAMP!"

Pinkpool raised her eyebrows (wondering what camp would allow a cat to come…). "And _who_ are you battling?"

"The ladies who do BLUEAISHA's dry—cleaning," Muffin replied simply, his eyes following in the Twoleg clock again. "They mixed the whites and the colors, and boy, was BLUEAISHA mad! And now, ehem – 'THEY WILL PAY' Ahaw!"

"And _where _does she where clothes to?"

"The Disco, of course, every night at nine o' clock. Wait, I wasn't supposed to tell you that…"

Pinkpool blinked. "Okay," she meowed, "So where _is _this Petalpaw?"

Muffin smiled at her for six seconds before, "Oh yeah! Hey, PETALPAW!!!!"  
"OMG, WHAT!?" a sleezy she-cat voice said. Then, a small Tortoise-shell she-cat padded out, chomping on a piece of strawberry gum, and doing who-knows-what on a pink RAZR with purple rhinestones.

"Ch yeaaaaaah?" Petalpaw sleezed, only raising her eyes to take a glance at a shocked Pinkpool, before lowering her eyes to her phone again. "OMG!" she laughed as she saw what the phone said. "That is like, sooooo funny, Reallyexpensivehandbagpaw! Hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Pinkpool glanced over Petalpaw's shoulder to see what Reallyexpensivehandbagpaw had texted, but gulped when Petalpaw shielded the screen with her tail and glared at her going, "Eh ma gawd, ew." Pinkpool sniffled as she began to hear sad violin music start again. Then, she looked behind her, perplexed, and saw some violinist standing their.

"Hey!" she snapped at him, and he automatically stopped. "What're you doing? And why have you been following me around?"

The violinist put down his violin and said, "For I could sense a great amount of sadness coming off of you in waves, you could talk to someone you kn—"

But he was interrupted as Pinkpool started pushing him out the door. "HEY!" he squealed from the other side of the door. "NO TIP? WHAT'S A GUY SUPPOSED TO DO FOR MONEY, HUH?"

Pinkpool marched back to Petalpaw, feeling stronger, and started to growl, "Now you listen here, Petalpaw – you are in enemy territory, so you better –"

Petalpaw stuffed a chanel suitcase into Pinkpool's face and drawled, "Take this to my room, would you? And don't bump it around – that thing cost a lot, you know!"  
Pinkpool blinked confusedly as she carried the suitcase to the apprentices' den, Petalpaw behind her (who knows where Muffin is…), and winced as Petalpaw began to cackle again at her phone. Then, she saw that Pinkpool had stopped, and then looked up at the pitiful, moldy old box that was the apprentices' den. "Um," she mewed, still gnawing on the gum, "what is _this_? The garbage can? And what is _that_?" Petalpaw pointed disgustedly at a blob of green mush with fur, bones, legos, and who-knows-what sticking out of it.

"Well," Pinkpool answered, knitting her eyebrows at it, "No one really knows – hey! This is the apprentices' den! Show some respect!"

"Like, ew, no!" Petalpaw shot her a death glare and finally shut her phone, tucking it into her purse. "Is there like, anything more like, better, like?"

"Weel," Pinkpool said, worriedly glancing at the warriors' den. "Yoo cood stay a' the worriors' deyn, now cantcha, lassie?"

"Ya," Petalpaw sleezed, "I like, gotta take a shower. And like, what's with the Scottish accent? It's like, freaky." Petalpaw raised an eyebrow at her, grabbed her suitcase, took her gum out, threw it into the blob, and strutted towards the warriors' den.

"Weyll ah don't know…" Pinkpool gasped – where HAD that accent come from! AACK!!!!!!!!

END OF CHAPTER NOIN

(I've decided to make the chaps a wee bit shorter so that I can get em out a bit faster!!!!!!!!!!! BYE!!!!)


	12. Betty Crocker Clearing EVIL!

Happy Chapter Ten!!!!!

Enjoy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CHAPTER TENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN gasp NNNNNN

"WILL ALL PATHETIC SCRAPS OF EXISTENVE GATHER UNDER THIS CHUNK OF ROCK TO HEAR WHAT I HAFTA SAY!?!?" Snowstar stared defiantly at his Clan, as _6_ billion cats came to the clearing, instead of 3 billion because of his new callingggg!!!!!

_That's a good one…_ thought a brown stray who was arriving, who had forgotten his name last night – a tasty scrap in the garbage had distracted him. _I've never heard that calling… Hey, what _is_ my name? Why am I here? What is my purpose? Maybe I should call Dr. Phil – _His thoughts were interrupted as a bigger white cat stepped on his head.

Starnight stared up at the highrock. It really _is _just a chunk of rock! And how does a rock _always _end up in the clearing, huh? (Have you ever noticed like, HOW MANY times it says "clearing" in one warriors book? Maybe I should count one time…).

_Because…_ answered a voice from Starclan. _Nightstar and Oakheart got bored of arm wrestling for a week_, _and were having giant-rock fights – they dropped them on the camps by accident, and one fell on Butterpelt, and she didn't DIE!! WHY!? WHY!?!?!??!!? _Then the cries faded.

"WAIT!" wailed Starnight into the heavens. "WHAT IN THE NAME OF STARCLAN IS A GIANT-ROCK FIGHT!?!?!" Starnight lowered her ears when she saw that everyone was staring at her.

"Okay," started Snowstar, "let's continue the ceremony, shall we? Okay? Okay. YOU!" he spat at the 3 apprentices on the rock. "DO **YOU** LIKE, PROMISE TO BE, uh, warrior-y?" Snowstar blinked at them.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," muttered Daisypaw as she inspected her front claws.

"Yup!" replied Rabbitpaw confidently.

"Um," Herbpaw said timidly, "Well, I, um, okay –"

"LOUDER!!" boomed Snowstar, very Darkstar-like.

"OKAY!!" Herbpaw shrieked with a high-pitched voice, covering his eyes with his front paws.

"Okay then!" Snowstar replied cheerily, all stupid-educational-video-like. "LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS! TO DEFEAT!! THE HUNS!!!!! DID THEY SEND ME DAUGHTERS? WHEN I ASKED, FOR SONS?!?! Ahee! Sorry, I was watching _Mulan _last night. Now, Daisypaw – you will be known as – DAISYPOOL! All RAHT!"

Daisypool gasped and walked to the front waving her arms like a girl who had just won Miss USA. "Like," she sniffed, eyes clouding up, "Oh – my – god! I'm like, ao honored, and –"

But she was interrupted as some cat in the crowd started coughing and hacking, and then an explosion was heard a few seconds later.

"OMG!" Daisypool squealed and scampered off to the Warriors' den.

"NexT!" Snowstar bellowed. Rabbitpaw strode up to him all proudly, his tail held high. However, he frowned and his tail drooped as Snowstar started laughing at him.

"Haha!" he cackled. "HA! Y-you think you're so great, and the authors didn't even remember t-to put you into the Allegiances – HAHA!"

Rabbitpaw sniffled, starting to resemble Herbpaw. Then he raised up his head and yowled, "YOU DIDN'T FORGET ME, DID YOU?"

Then, a small purple cloud poofed, and when it cleared, a note was there:

_Dear Rabbitpaw,_

_We'd luvvv to support you, but we can't, cuz we're at Arby's _("STILL?" wailed Rabbitpaw.). _You'll have to MISERABLE ALL BY YOURSELF for now! Ta!_

_Love,_

_BuTTErPelt2730_

_P.S. We DID forget you! Really! Go check! Ahee! _

Rabbitpaw gave out a miserable yelp, as Snowstar continued.

"Okay," Snowstar said, in a why-do-you-put-me-through-this voice. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. We didn't wanna hurt your feelings, you freak. Now, would you like your name? And some juice?" Snowstar asked all maternally.

Rabbitpaw blinked up at him. "Y-yes please – and a cookie…"

"Sure," Snowstar pressed a button by his left paw and up came a tray with a glass of apple juice, a chocolate chip cookie (BETTY CROCKER!!! ACK!!!!!! TRANS FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!), and a little slip of paper that said _Rabbitwhisker _on it all curly-cue, with little hearts drawn around it.

Rabbitwhisker nibbled on the cookie (YOUR ARTERIES WILL DIE!!!!!!!!!!!), his eyes swelling up. "Thank you, mommy!" he cried, holding his arms out to hug Snowstar. "I LOVE Y—" Snowstar shoved him off of the highrock.

"All right," Snowstar went on, as a thud and a crash were heard from below, "Two down, one to go! Now where is the little booger?"

"H-here," whispered Herbpaw.

"MUAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!" bellowed Snowstar. Herbpaw trembled. "THE ONE I"VE BEEN WAITING FOR! MUAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!" Fire clouds blew up behind him, and Herbpaw squeaked. An organ started playing. Snowstar took out a flashlight and shined it on his face. "HAHAHAAA!!!!! You can't leave noW!!!! And NOW!!! WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL DAY TO DOOOOOO –" Snowstar threw the flashlight over his shoulder (it landed on Rabbitwhisker), pat Herbpaw on the head, and said friendlily: "You will now be known as HERBCLOUD! Yeehaw! Have a nice day!"

Herbcloud shuffled nervously. "Um, do, um, I get a cookie too?"

Snowstar smiled creepily at him. "SURREE!!!!!!!" He threw a cookie at him, which sent poor Herbcloud to be pushed across the clearing (NYAHAA! CLEARING!!! THAT WORD IS TAKING OVER THE WORLD!!!!!!!!) and crash into a tree.

"Yay!" squeaked Snowstar. "It's finally over!! Say their names, everybody, and go away!"

"DAISYPOOL, RABBITWHISKER, HERBCLOUD! DAISYPOOL, RABBITWHISKER, HERBCLOUD! DAI-"  
"EH MA GAWD SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!" shrieked a voice from the back of the (oh no… must restrain… no …. I CAN'T!!!!) _clearing _(NO!!!!!). All heads turned, and saw Petalpaw, looking furious, holding a hair dryer in one paw.   
"Who is this?" rumbled Snowstar. Pinkpool gulped.   
END OF CHAPTER TENNNNNNN - oh whatever tootaloo!!!


	13. MY towel!

'Llo!

How ya doin?

I'm okay

Well, whoever wants to read chapter eleven, IT IS HERE

CH-CH-CH-CH-CH APTER EEEEEEELLEEEEEEEEVENNN

Starnight glanced sympathetically at Pinkpool (while chomping into Vole Mingon; the voles who work at the spa watched in horror from the spa window) who was dragging herself across the ground to the warriors' den. Starnight wasn't the only one—the whole clan, all around the camp, had their gazes on the panting, sweating Pinkpool who was dragging herself along the ground with her front paws. Butterpelt, who thought that everyone had come out to watch something decay (which she likes to do on a daily basis… who knows why…), came out to watch. After seeing that is was _just _a dying Pinkpool, she spat and trotted grouchily back to the elders' den to get her kitty litter (WHERE DID SHE GET IT!??!) to fling at the apprentices (which she ALSO likes to do on a daily basis…).

Pinkpool finally got inside and slammed the door. Then, the whole clan's fur stood on end as Pinkpool gave out a terrible screech that could be heard from outside:

"WHY!?!?!??!!? WHY ME!?!??!?! WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS TO ME, STARCLAN? I NEED CHOCOLATE!!!"

When her roar was over, the wide-eyed, bristling clan turned their gazes towards the highrock, where a small Tortoise-shell shape with sunglasses on was curled up on a yellow towel ("My towel!" whined Rabbitwhisker; First-aidequipment pat him on the back). Then, the shape reached for its iced-tea, and brought it to its mouth to slurp, but THERE WAS NOTHING TO SLURP! GAW! It sat up and took off its sunglasses.

"Slllllllave," Petalpaw sleezed. "Could you like, get me som'more Snapple Peach Iced Tea?" She blinked her half-closed blue eyes in the direction of the warriors' den, and they shot open at Pinkpool's terrible shriek from inside:

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! PICK ON SOMEBODY ELSE! I'M THROUGH!!!!" The whole clan bristled again. "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" The clan settled down again as the biting of a chocolate bar was heard soon after. Then, they turned their heads slowly towards Petalpaw, whose eyes had returned to their usual half-closed state. Then, they all ran for it; Nightwind jumped into the elder's den (an angry Butterpelt was heard shortly after); Orchidwhisker hustled her NEW kits (not new born… forgot to write about 'em… oh welll), Branchkit (boy! blue balloons), Birdkit (girl! pink balloons), and Pinekit (girl! But BALLOONS THAT COME OUT OF NOWHERE CO. is out of Pink balloons, so you'll just hafta settle for black and orange ones that say "BIKER CHICK" on 'em! Bye!) into the nursery. Brambleclaw and Starnight dove into the secret puddle (well it isn't that secret; it's in the middle of the camp…). And everyone else headed towards the apprentices'/warriors' den, but reconsidered and took the emergency hot air balloon (warriors den – no one wants to face Pinkpool while she's eating chocolate; apprentices' den – the mystery blob had grown considerably larger since Petalpaw threw her gum in it – it also had been spitting, hissing, and changing colors ever since).

Petalpaw got up, and threw the sunglasses over her shoulder (they hit the hot air balloon; it popped, and Rabbitwhisker's girlish scream sounded as the hot air balloon blew around and then landed in a tree). She looked around the silent camp, scanning for life, and her evil (DIVINE) little eyes lay on a white tail that was trembling, sticking out of a mud puddle. "YoohoO!" she called to it charmingly (oh how she is evil…). "Hey, yoU!" The tail stuck straight up and then a small white shape drew up from the mud. The mud magically slid off to reveal an incredibly hot-looking, twinkling – _First-aidequipment? _

"Um," Petalpaw blinked at him (and his sparkles). "Could you get me an iced tea?"

First-aidpaw blinked back at her dashing blue eyes and mewed, "Okay."

Then, he got up (sparkles following), and started to trot towards the warriors' den; he knit his eyebrows as he started to hear: "So, If you feel like giving me, a little time of devotion – I SECOND THAT EMOTION… OH!" He disappeared into the door, and Petalpaw cringed as she heard a wild yowl from Pinkpool, and then some crashes and shatters, then a car alarm, and explosion, and then First-aidequipment came staggering out, covered in trout. He held in his sparkling hand, a small can of Snapple Peach Iced Tea. He sparkled his way up to the highrock, and poured the stuff into Petalpaw's empty glass. Their eyes locked…

A few hours later….

"I-I-I-is it SAFE?" a frightened Brambleclaw whispered in the puddle.

"I-I think so," answered a trembling Starnight; she wasn't scared, she just had hypothermia – being in a puddle for three hours can do that to you!  
The two of them splashed out, and crept around the camp. They heard a rustle, and screamed. They relaxed when they saw the rest of the clan, who were dirty and had twigs sticking out of their matted fur, pad in through the entrance of the camp. Brambleclaw ran up and nuzzled Pinkpatch. "Where WERE you guys?"

"Well," replied Pinkpatch, who was picking twigs out of her fur, "When our balloon popped, we landed on this tree. It _happened _to be a squirrel-family's home, and then the mom came out, and started screeching at us and beating us up – Nightwind thought that she said something about us ruining her casserole… OH MY GOD! STARNIGHT HAS HYPOTHERMIA!!" She rushed over to the blue-lipped Starnight, and rapped a pink towel from nowhere around her ("_My_ towel!" whined Nightwind.) "BUH-RAMBLECLAW! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER??"

"Well," answered Brambleclaw softly, "We were in the puddle all this time…"

"And…? What's the problem?"

"Well, I know that you asked me to call the plumber guy to make the puddle heated…"

"Yeah…?"

"Well, I called him, and well, he said something like, 'Marge? What did you put in my chicken?' You'd think he'd never heard a cat on the phone before…"

"BRAMBLECLAW!!!!!!! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO CALL THE _CAT _PLUMBER!"

"There's a cat plumber…?"  
"YES! NOW GO GET HER WARMED UP! _Toms…" _Pinkpatch gave the shivering Starnight to Brambleclaw and stomped off to somewhere or other.

"LAAA!!" boomed a muffled voice; the clan's ears pricked. Then, Snowstar came bursting through the top of the highrock (Rabbitwhisker squeaked with fear). "You will NEVER believe what I found in the Pottery Barn Catalogue!!! Come see!" But he gasped and dropped his Catalogue as he saw that Petalpaw – who was laying up there – flew off, and was screaming her girlish little high-pitched scream (almost as girly as Rabbitwhisker's – snicker). Then, First-aidequipment sprang up from where he was drawing pictures in the dirt with a stick and leapt towards her. He caught her with his out-stretched paws, and looked into her eyes and whispered, "Are you all right, my love?"

The clan gasped, and Starnight squealed, resisting Brambleclaw's pushing her into the warriors' den, "YOUR _WHAT?"_

END OF CHAPTER ELEVEN!!!!!!!!!


	14. Turning Gazes Like

Yes!

Finally!  
I finally got to write it!!!

Oh whatever – here ya go!

CHAPTER TWELVE, LIKE

Pinkpool snuggled into the couch in the warriors' den living room, chomping on Cracker Jacks and watching "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody". _It's nice,_ she thought cheerfully, taking a swig of Diet Coke. _When everybody's afraid of you… When else can I watch my stories?_

_"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody is NOT what one would call "stories," puh-leez! _A Starclan voice muttered scornfully.

"Hey!" Pinkpool growled at the potted Begonias, where the voice seemed to be coming from. "Back off! Shouldn't a cat be able to watch Disney Channel without getting picked on?" She crunched another hand full of Cracker Jacks. "I mean_ really!_ Suite Life, Naturally, Sadie, Hannah Montana, this stuff is great!" (Well, _I _don't personally like 'em, but can't my characters?).

_Sure_, the Begonias muttered. _Um, hey, can I watch with you?_

"Sure!" Pinkpool replied merrily, with Cracker Jacks stuffed in her mouth. "Come an' sit with me!"

_Thanks!_ The Starclan warrior/Begonias yipped, magically flying (surrounded by magic sparkles! Oooooooooh!) to the spot next to Pinkpool.

_This is great,_ sighed the warrior/Begonias. _I mean, I should watch this stuff more often; All _Mudfur_ likes to watch is "Every Day Italian." Pssh. _

"Yeah… Wait, _who_ are you?"

_Oh, um, I'm Puddlepatch. I was a medicine cat who died tragically._

"Oh… How did you die?"

_My brain exploded because the use for juniper berries changes in almost every book, and it confused me._

"Oh. Sorry. Hey, isn't it used for strength? I read that in Twilight."

_DARN! WHY DID I HAFTA DIE BEFORE THAT BOOK CAME OUT?!_

"Um, I'm sure they're in the other books, too… Maybe you should reread them?"

_B-b-but book 4 combusted 2 nights ago, and everyone gathered 'round it and started singing, "Kumbaya, my Lord, KUMBAYAAAAA!!"_

"Oh, too bad."

_Yeah…_

Just at that moment, First-aidequipment and Petalpaw came bursting into the Warriors' den, panting. The pot of Begonias fell over and shattered from the sudden shock.

_Rats! _Screeched Puddlepatch's voice, which had moved to the pot of Lilies. _I'M ALLERGIC TO LILIES! ACHOO! ACHOO! AH AH AH – **CHOOO!**_ The Liles exploded; everyone blinked at the smoking remains of the pot. _Sorry,_ sniffed Puddlepatch from the Cracker Jacks. _Go on… wow, I taste good…_ The Cracker Jacks started crunching.

"Anyway," muttered Pinkpool, irritated, turning her gaze away from the Cracker Jacks box (which was making VERY loud crunching and slurping noises now), "If Puddlepatch is done destroying all of our potted plants, YOU!" Pinkpool spat, her fur fluffed out, turning a fiery gaze onto a shocked Petalpaw. "_IF YOU MAKE ME GET YOU ONE MORE GLASS OF ICED TEA OR POLISH YOUR GUCCI SHOES THAT YOU DON'T EVEN WEAR OR BRUSH YOU BARBIES' HAIR AGAIN –"_ ("You play with barbies?" asked a puzzled First-aidequipment. Petalpaw shuffled nervously. Then she smiled with glee as First-aidequipment squealed, "Gawlly! So do I!") "—_THEN I'M GONNA –"  
"NO!"_ boomed First-aidequipment, putting himself in front of Petalpaw. "DON'T HURT HER! I LOVE HER!"

Pinkpool's pupils went tiny in her blue eyes, and soft piano music started to play (like, "profound moment" music, not like, the minuet or something! Yes, I play piano…). Then the "profound moment" was ruined as the crunching, slurping, and gnawing from the Cracker Jack box grew SO LOUD that Pinkpool turned a blazing gaze (she's been doing that a lot lately…) on it and yowled: "OH MY GOD! SHUT _UP!"_

The crunching stopped. _Sorry!_ Squeaked Puddlepatch from the I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar book Brindleflower had been reading on the lamp table.

Pinkpool turned a cloudy blue gaze (AGAIN WITH THE GAZE TURNING!) onto the (lovey-dovey mushy-gushy HAPPY LATE VALENTINE'S DAY) couple. "What?" she whispered.

"I love her," whispered First-aidequipment.

"Yeah," whispered Petalpaw from next to First-aidequipment.

"Why are you WHISPERING?" hissed/whispered Pinkpool.

"Because you did!" whispered Petalpaw and First-aidequipment.

"Oh," whispered Pinkpool. "Wait, that's BAD! You see what happens to cats from different clans who fall in love! Dustpelt is MEAN TO THEM!!"

"Who's Dustpelt?" whispered Petalpaw, perplexed.

"He's the grumpy Thunderclan cat," whispered Pinkpool back. "Kind of like that grumpy little three-horn Sarah from 'Land Before Time.' Only Dustpelt isn't a dinosaur. Or yellow." (Sorry if you have no idea what I'm talking about!).

"Ah," Petalpaw whispered, nodding. "I liked those movies… Ducky was my favorite… yup yup yup!"

"Sure, whatever," whispered Pinkpool, rolling her eyes. "But you guys! What about the rest of the clan!"

"Well," First-aidequipment whispered nervously, shuffling. "About that… We told them, and they started chasing us with Butterpelt's secret kitty litter stash!"

"No!" Pinkpool gasped/ whispered. "Not the kitty litter! She used to throw that at me when I was an apprentice… Where did she get it, anyway? At least it smelled good, 'keeping the cat's corner of the house smelling fresh! Ding!'"

First-aidequipment turned Petalpaw towards him. "We'll have to leave together, my princess," he whispered passionately. She looked up at him with shining blue eyes.

"Oh, Firsty!" she whispered, nuzzling his cheek.

Pinkpool's jaw dropped. "_Firsty?_ This is worse than I thought! You guys gotta go! Hurry! To the back door! Which happens to be approximately six miles from here! There are rooms in here that even I haven't seen… But it's worth it! FOR TRUE LOVE! Now that my cheesy sermon is over, let's go!"

Pinkpool grabbed First-aidequipment and Petalpaw's wrists, and froze as there was knocking on the door.

"Um, hello?" said a nasally voice from behind the door.

"Sh!" hissed Pinkpool to the voice.

"Oh, sorry!" the nasally voice whispered. "Um, someone ordered a pizza?"

"NO!" Pinkpool whispered with rage. "I KNOW THAT THAT'S YOU, NIGHTWIND!"

"Huh?" the voice nasalled/ whispered. "Who's Nightwind? My name is Bartleby. I work at Pizza, like, world, like."

_Yipee! _Squealed Puddlepatch from the book. _My pizza!_ The book flew (hehe sparkles) to the door, and opened it somehow, revealing a tall skinny boy with pimples and teeth that hung over his chapped lips.

"Here's your pizza, um," he squinted at the book. "'Woman.' It's very nice to hear you roar. That'll be seventy three bucks."

_WHAT?_ _FOR A PIZZA? _

"Well, yeah, It took a really really long time to hunt all of the mice to put on it. And to learn how to speak cat."

_OH. Well, gimme that! _The book grabbed the Pizza. _I don't have seventy four dollars, so here, take the TV. _

"Gee thanks!" Bartleby chuckled, running to get his greasy little pizza hands on the plasma.

"Pinkpool!" First-aidequipment pled/whispered. "We gotta go! Before they find us!"

But Pinkpool had her traumatized face on Bartleby, who was running out, well, grunting out, dragging the TV behind him. "N-no," she whispered, letting the two wrists go. "NO!" she yowled, forgetting to whisper. "YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She hurtled herself at the book. "YOU'RE SO ANNOYING! GO AWAY!!!! AND STOP MESSING UP MY LIVING ROOM!"

_What??_ Puddlepatch gasped from the coffee table. Pinkpool lurched herself at it, ripping it to shreds. Everywhere the voice went, (the lamp table itself, the book case, the pizza, the phonograph – antique! – and pretty much everything,) Pinkpool destroyed (well, she ate the pizza. Yum!).

While, the remnants of the living room flew around in shreds, the two lovers turned their gazes (twitch) upon each other. "We have to go, now!" First-aidequipment yowled, and Petalpaw nodded quickly. First-aidequipment grabbed her (dainty little) wrist, and both of them plunged into the mysteries of the warriors' den.

Pinkpool sat, huffing and puffing, in the middle of the room, looking at all that was left of the living room (the popcorn maker! Whee!). Then, sticking an ear out, she listened for Puddlepatch. "Yes," she huffed. "YES! THAT LITTLE SCRAP OF OBNOXIOUS IRRITATION IS GONE! WHOO! But, where are First-aidequipment and Petalpaw?" she whipped her head around, not finding anyone! GAW!

Pinkpool pricked up as she heard footsteps coming near. Then, Snowstar and the rest of the clan trooped into the den ("AWESOME!" Ivypaw squeaked, looking at how big the den was. "THERE'S NOTHING THAT COULD POTENTIALLY EAT YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP!" aka the blob! GAW!). Snowstar gulped as he looked at the living room. "Um," he whispered, looking at a blank-faced Pinkpool. "Sweetie, what happened? Where did they go?"

"Ah dunno…" Pinkpool mewed dreamily. "Who wants popcorn?"

END OF CHAPTER TWELVE, LIKE

("Haw," nasalled Bartleby as he watched Naruto. "Hoi DefinitioN!! I can't wait to invite Lawrence over! Ahaw!")

THE REAL LIKE, END


	15. When I was in the war

Hi!!!!!

It's BuTTErPelt30 here, with chapter 13!!!! Sorry I took so long! Oh, Schist (sorry – Earth Science Over Dose!), I forgot the Disclaimer for like, three chapters, or more. Erm…. Here ya go.

DISCLAIMER (a hee hee hee… gulp): I STILL don't own Warriors!

CHAPTER THIRTEEN!!!!!

The Clan sat in the wrecked living room, sitting on the victims of the power of Pinkpool's Diet Coke © and Cracker Jack fueled wrath, and crunching on popcorn.

"Mraaah!" Snowstar growled from the popcorn maker, and the crunching clan looked up. "We're out of freakishly yellow overly salty liquid that we put on popcorn! RABBITWHISKER!"

A hole in the ceiling opened up, dropping a pile of Rabbitwhisker on the floor in front of Snowstar. Rabbitwhisker zipped up onto his paws, squeaking "Y-y-y-y-yy-yy-yes?"

"GO TO THE NEAREST MULTI- MULTI- MULTI- MULTI- MULTI- MULTI- MULTI-PLEX AND DO A RAID ON THE REFRESHMENT STAND! DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET THAT YELLOW JUNK! TAKE SOME CATS WITH YOU!"

"B-but sir!" Rabbitwhisker yipped. "Last time we raided the refreshment stand because Butterpelt had a strange craving for Sour Gummy Water Melons (yum!), the Movie theatre reinforcements fought BACK!"

"Reinforcements?"

"The Guys who clean off all of the sticky stuff on the floor (and NEVER seem to do a good job!!) when the movie's over! And they had MOPS!"

"Holy Crab Cakes! You better take a LOT of warriors!"

Rabbitwhisker jumped on top of the coffee table (or what was left of it) and yowled, "GUYS! COME ON! WE GOTTA DO A RAID ON THE REFRESHMENT STAND!"

Nobody answered!!!!!  
"If you come, we can see CHARLOTTE'S WEB (is that even in theatres anymore?)!!!"

The Clan perked up immediately at that statement, ready to go ("CHYEAAH!!" whooped Nightwind. "DAKOTA FANNING! WHOO!"), until Snowstar hopped up on to the table (or what was left of it) next to Rabbitwhisker.

"No!" he boomed. And the Clan groaned and whined with protest. "We need butter NOW!"

"B-but Dakota Fanning!" whimpered Nightwind.

"So what!" shot back Snowstar. "She's in practically _every_ inspirational-little-girl-related movie! You'll just hafta wait till it comes out on DVD! Now GO!"

Not being able to disobey their leader, the clan (well, the warriors) piled out through the door ("NYA!" cackled Butterpelt. "MORE POPCORN! MYA HA HA HA!").

"Now," meowed Snowstar. "to BUSINESS!" Humming "Let's Get Down to Business" , he padded over to Pinkpool, who was sitting blank-faced in a corner, doing a color-by-number thingy (what's with Snowstar and Mulan? I mean really!!!).

"Pinkpool," he mewed gently to his weird-acting love, just as she filled in the last space.

"Whoa! Lookit!!" she waved the thing (which was of PARROTS! Well, all they show in the commercials of the color thingies are parrots… so yeah…) in Snowstar's face. "I'm gonna give it to my MOMMA!"

Snowstar blinked at her. "Um, You don't have a Momma…"

"I do too!" Pinkpool scrambled over to a closet, opened it on-up, shuffled through a few coats and hats, and dragged out a box labeled "Momma" in blue sharpie. She opened it and heaved out the shivering pink skeleton that was _Momma_. She had pink fur and blue eyes just like her GIRLS, and matted, old cat fur. She smelled like mustard.

"Wh-when I was in the war," she said in an old lady voice. "Wh-when I was in the war…"

"Silly Momma!" cackled Pinkpool. "You're never in the WAR! I think you mean the time when the grocery store stopped selling prune juice and you got mad and sabotaged the pasta aisle! SILLY!" Pinkpool whacked Momma on the back. Momma's arm fell off. Suddenly, one-armed Momma stood up; Snowstar looked alarmed, and Pinkpool looked amused.

"M-memory," she sang softly, "All alone, in the moonlight. I can smile at the old days. I was beautiful then! I remember, the time I knew what happi-"

"Momma!" Pinkpool laughed, and flung Momma back into her box. A crack was heard. "Oh, I made this for you!" Pinkpool threw the color-by-number thingy into box as well. Another crack. Pinkpool pushed the box back into the closet and slammed the doors. Big crack ("Wh-when I was in the war…" muttered the closet.).

"Now," sighed Pinkpool, turning back to an appalled Snowstar. "What?"

"Erm… I just wanted to ask where…" he cocked his head, his eyes opened wide, at the closet, as reggae music came blasting from the closet all of a sudden. "What is she _doing_ in there?"

"Oh," Pinkpool looked at the closet, standing next to Snowstar. "Oh! That's not Momma, that's the Squid."

"S…squid? In the closet?"

"Well, duh. Where are you_ supposed _to put a squid?"

Snowstar's eyes opened very wide as he turned back to Pinkpool, slowly. "Okay, um, I wanted to ask you where First-aidclaw and Petalpaw went."

"I'M SORRY FIREHEART! I D-DON'T REMEMBER! PACK PACK! _KILL KILLLLLLLLLL!!!!! _silence_ LLLLLL!!!!!!"_ Pinkpool heaved, looking at Snowstar. "Oh, and it's First-aidequipment, by the way."

Snowstar blinked. _And they think _I _have an obsession with Mulan, when _they're_ reading Rising Storm and A Dangerous Path like, ALL THE TIME! WHAT'S WRONG WITH MULAN!? IT'S FANTABULOUS!_

Pinkpool blinked back. "But, I do know that they went _that_ way." She pointed at the hallway where the two had run down, the hallway that HAD NO END (like, seriously; when you get a certain point, it's like, all DARK! And there are those jungle noises coming from it, you know, like "Eeee-aaah! Eeee-aah!!!").

Snowstar squinted at it and gulped. "If it's for First-aidflower, and not-so-much Petalpaw… I mean, there hasn't been a _single_ 'gawlly!' in this chapter!"

"Gawlly!" Pinkpool squawked, smiling.

"It's NOT THE SAME! Pinkpool!" Snowstar grabbed her wrist and brought her close to his face (haw – profound moment). "Pinkpool," he breathed. "Come with me to the GREAT BEYOND!"

"You mean the other side of the warriors den?" she breathed back. "I think that they built a new sauna on the OTHER SIDE, but NO ONE KNOWS, 'CAUSE NO ONE HAS EVER MADE IT THERE!"

"We have to," Snowstar said (The breathing is starting to annoy me… Like, when people breath out of their mouth and its all, "INHALE, huuhhhhhhhhh. INHALE, huhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." Why can't they just BREATHE THROUGH THEIR NOSE!!!?!?!). "FOR THE SAKE OF FIRST-AIDFUR AND WHATS-HER-FACE! I'll leave Rabbitwhisker in charge." Snowstar took a second to guffaw at this notion of leaving the courageless lump of fur that was Rabbitwhisker, but then cleared his throat and continued. "Yeah. Now, COME MY DEAR!" The two ran OFF into THE DARKNESS ("Eeee-aah! Eee-aah!").

A few hours later…

The defeated warriors trooped back into the warriors' den. They heaved with every step, limping. All Rabbitwhisker carried in his mouth was a SINGLE pack of sugar-free Raisinets!

"Heave," heaved Nightwind. "That was horrible. This time they came out with SWIFFER mops! They've RESTOCKED ON WEAPONS!"

"We shouldn't have tried," heaved Brambleclaw. "The JANITORS ARE MUCH TOO STRONG!"

"WAIT!" squeaked Rabbitwhisker, dropping the Raisinets (a pair of eyes appeared in the shadows, gazing upon the Raisinets). "WHERE IS SNOWSTAR? AND PINKPOOL?" Rabbitwhisker shrieked with surprise as the pair of eyes (Butterpelt – duh) swooped out of the shadows, taking the candy in her mouth, and disappearing back into the OTHER shadows (she did that swoopy thing in another chapter! Seriously! How does she DO that!?! I wish that _I_ had cool swoopy powers!!!!!!).

"LOOK!!" yowled Orchidwhisker. "A NOTE! On the FRIDGE!"

Everybody crowded into the Kitchen to see the note (well, expect for Pinkpatch. She sniffed the air… "Hey, mustard." She mewed. "Did Pinkpool bring Mama out?). It was held up by a daisy magnet, and was written on a piece of paper with little kittens on the top. HERE IS WHAT IT SAID!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Dear Everyone,_

_Hi!!! How's it going? Um, we had to leave to find First-aidtail and Petal… er… um… whatever. Them. And we're leaving RABBITWHISKER (guffaw guffaw guffaw) in charge. TootaloO!!!!!_

_Love,_

_SS and PP _

_PS Don't forget to go grocery shopping!_

The room BUZZED (the buzzing stopped as a shriek of "Ew! SUGAR-FREE!" was heard from the OTHER shadows). Rabbitwhisker gasped. "M-m-m-m-meeeeeeeeee?"

"Just remember the OLD you, sweetie!" said Orchidwhisker, his mother. "The you before Snowstar stripped all of your confidence off of you in stripes, and then tied the strips all up in a knot and threw them into the Grand Canyon!"

Rabbitwhisker gulped. "Um, Okay. Since I'm like, in charge now, um, I think we should." All of a sudden a fire lit in his eyes. "PLAN A SURPRISE ATTACK ON THE JANITORS! MUAHAHAHAAAAaaaAAAAAaAAaAAa! Hurry! Nightwind! Brambleclaw! Go to Costco and get the newest Swiffer technology! That stuff is ADVANCED I tell you! WE SHALL ATTACK TOMORROW!!!!!"

BAM BAM BAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whoo

It's over.

Oh, Shenandoah. I long to hear you. All along, you raaging rivah. Oh, Shenandoah. I long to heaaar you. Bum bum bum, La la ala…

Oh yeah—

END OF CHAPTER THIRTEEN


	16. Concussion all like by NARWHAL uh

Howdy ho!

Chapter 14 is about!

ekil, sroirraW nwo t'nod I :REMIALCSID

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Starnight sucked on her popsicle , playing Sims 2 Pets on the playstation. Currently, she was playing with the "Snow" family. In it, she had made herself, Crowfeather, Pinkpool, Snowstar, and since you_ have to_ have a person, she created an old fat guy named Rick. She and Crowfeather had had kits, and Pinkpool was _expecting_ kits. Right now, Rick was going on the treadmill (because he's so FAT), and the four cats and two kits sat on the couches, watching Rick fall over and over again on the machine.

"Hmm," mewed Starnight, her eyes on a falling Rick, "I think I'll kill Rick now!" She clicked on Rick to light a fire, and got rid of the fire alarm (nyar har har… It's fun to do that sometimes! evil grin). Plus, she put a bunch of flower pots around the fire place. Just as Rick lit the fire, Snowstar and Pinkpool (the REAL ones) came bursting in, covered with whipped cream.

"Okay," panted Snowstar to Pinkpool. "Let's NOT open the whipped cream door next time. I _know_ that you were hungry, but it nearly ate me! Let's open the _bran_ door next time! That sounds safer!" Then, Pinkpool (who had been ignoring her fiber-loving mate) and Snowstar saw Starnight!

"Starnight!" squealed Pinkpool, running over to her friend and shedding whipped cream on the lime green carpet.

"Nyahaha!" cackled Starnight as one of the flower pots lit on fire. Her eyes followed the flailing Rick as he pointed and yelled at the fire.

Pinkpool watched, too. "Um, Starnight? Why are you_ here?_ And what room is this? I mean seriously! _Lime green?_'

Starnight couldn't break her gaze off of Rick, who had now_ lit_ on fire, and was fanning his butt. However, she muttered, "I wasn't needed in the last chapter, so I left." Still watching the flaming Rick with an evil glint in her eye, she scooped some whipped cream off of Pinkpool and stuffed it in her mouth.

Snowstar padded over, adding to the whipped cream droppings on the floor. He too was now rubber-cemented to the screen. Rick hopped from one foot to the other, screaming.

"So," he said slowly, as Rick put his hands on his bald head and yelled in pain. "You just wandered into the MYSTEEEEEEEERIOUSSSS BEYYYYOOONDD (Eeeeh-aaah!) by yourself?! And ended up in _this room?!_"

Starnight sucked the (CHERRY flavored! I don't even like popsicles; they make my tummy hurt!) popsicle, and then slurped, "Well, yeah. I was walking, and this room had a picture of a narwhal on the door, so I thought it'd be good."  
While Pinkpool went to go look at the door ("There really IS a narwhal on the door!"), Snowstar asked in astonishment, "A NARWHAL?! Who put it there?! And WHY!?!"

"Because every half-hour, a narwhal falls from the ceiling."

"Oh." Snowstar replied, looking nervously at the ceiling for any mid-air Narwhals hurtling at him. Then, turning back to the TV screen, he gasped at the sight of a dead Rick! "OH MY GOD!" he shrieked. "He finally DIED!"

"Whooooooo!" he and Starnight did that thing some guys do where they like, fly at each other and hit bellies (why do they DO that? Seriously! There are these two guys in my gym class who do it all the time! Does it make them feel MANLY?!), just as Pinkpool trotted in.

"What?" she asked staring at the cats on the TV screen doing the jig around Rick's dead body (sick… I KNOW). The Grim Reaper, who had appeared due to the death, shrugged his shoulders and joined the cats.

"He DIED!" squawked Snowstar and Starnight.

"Oh my God!" The three cats joined paws, and ran around the narwhal room. Then, an intercom came on (as they started to circle) and said with a raspy cigarette voice and a Brooklyn accent:

"Nah-whal tahm, evry bahdy. (Cough Hack)." (sorry – that's what the lady who makes announcements in my school sounds like. 'TENSION. WILL MICHAEL CHOFFY PLEASE COME TO (hack) GUIDENCE' Ha. Every day at fifth period, she calls down MICHAEL CHOFFY. It's really funny!)

Starnight and Snowstar, knowing what happens at "Nah-whal tahm (hack)," dove for cover under the Hello Kitty coffee table (have you ever seen those hello kitty toasters? They like, burn hello kitty onto the bread!). However, Pinkpool had no idea, and was left standing in the middle of the room, looking confused. After a "BEEP BEEP BEEP," Pinkpool looked alarmed, and gasped as a giant whale with a giant horn-tooth on its head came HURTLING at her from above. BOOM.

"Oh my god!" Starnight shrieked and ran over to her narwhal covered friend. She pushed off the Narwhal, and it gave a defiant moan and went to go to play table tennis. "She's DEAD! Oh my god! Oh my god!"

"God, why do you people, um, cats, whatever, have to BE like that, uh."  
Snowstar and Starnight turned their heads slowly, and their eyes widened at a long furred white kit. It had blue stripes on its back, and blinked one eye at a time.

"Like, God, like." It meowed. "All he, she, uh, whatever is is uh, concussion like, you know?"

Starnight and Snowstar blinked.

"Like god!" the kit rolled over on roller skates and looked at her, uh him like. "Uh, see? Like God, it's just uh, a like concussion!"

"_Just_ a concussion?!" screeched Starnight at the kit. "JUST A CONCUSSION!?! Is she OKAY?"

"Well, uh, like, I don't um, know! God!" The kit sniffed and raised its nose.

Snowstar frowned. "What's with the blue stripes?" he asked.

"Uh," the kit said, "I was all like, bored uh, and I like found a uh, blue, hi-lighter, whatever."

"Oh. And who are you?"

(Sorry SassyDragon… I kind of made him a little more ME… If you want me to change it I will!). The kit blinked (left eye, right eye). "Well, um, uh, my name, is all like… whatever! SassyDragon didn't all, name me, uh. Whatever."

"Then what do we call you?"

"Uh, like God, why do you people um, cats whatever have to be like that, uh? You, um, can all just call me like, Plenty."

"_Plenty?_ What kind of name is _Plenty?_"

"Like god! Sorry! It's like, uh, the first um, thing, name, whatever that I all THOUGHT of, like."

"Um, okay, _Plenty. _Now, will you all, um (OH NO! HE'S STARTED WITH IT TOO!) help us?"

"Well, uh," Plenty glanced with his purple eyes at Starnight who was crying over Pinkpool, who every now and then would give out a little _meep_ sound. "Well, God, like, yeah, uh –"

"Wait, hold the phone!" Starnight snapped at Plenty. "How did _you_ get here? I've been here for at _least_ a day, and haven't seen you!"

"Like god! I like, um, left. The whole, tribe, clan, thing, whatever, a like long time ago, all."

"WHY!!?!?"

"Uh, I was bored like. I like left, all, to look for (sniff)…..Eh. _I _don't know, um. Why are you all, asking me like?"

Starnight gave him a look. "You're annoying."

Plenty grinned slightly. "God, all, I'm gonna take, uh, this… cat, girl, whatever to the like, nurse, all."

"Nurse?"

Plenty sniffed. "Well, all yeah like. This is uh, where the author, person thingy, whatever, likes to put all um… school stuff in all." (Haw. It is. With the raspy lady. And the stinky guys who are all BELLY bump thing. And with the nurse. How come like, school nurses, all they do is either give you ice, or put a band-aid on it!?). "Well, yeah, God! Why do like, hafta be all, uh, QUESTIOn, like, like."

Pinkpool groaned and opened half an eye. "Triscuits…" she murmured, and then fell back to sleep with her mouth hanging open.

"Like, god!" Plenty commented, gazing upon the all, concussion-like, uh, Pinkpool. "This is all um, bad, like. Yeah, uh. I'll all, take her to um, the nurse, person whatever. Okay. Like god…" And Plenty grabbed unconscious Pinkpool, by her unconscious arm, and dragged her off to the ice-band-aid giving nurse, uh.

Starnight and Snowstar watched Plenty drag their friend/mate off to the nurse. Then, they looked at each other. "It's up to US now." Snowstar said all MANLY, uh, like, whatever.

"Yeah." Starnight answered back, not manly like. "Wait." Starnight's eyes narrowed. "You're not thinking about letting that… nameless Plenty dude into our Clan, are you?"  
"Well," Snowstar said, and Starnight gasped. "He's already _in _the clan! We just need to take him back!" (Plus he's fun! Thanks, SassyDragon! Hey, is he in _your_ story? Sorry if I changed him! Couldn't resist!).

Starnight whined. Then, she stopped. "Hold on." She said slowly. "Didn't Brindleflower say that she had _another_ kit, other than Herbcloud (at mention of Herbcloud, Snowstar snorted)?" Starnight gulped. "No _wonder _he left! _Brindleflower?_ Like God!" Suddenly feeling sympathetic for the kit, she turned back to Snowstar. "Okay, once we find First-aidequipment and Petalpaw, we'll pick up Pinkpool and…. _Plenty…_ Okay?"  
"Yes!" answered Snowstar. "Now, to, out there!"

Like, all, uh, END of CHAPTER, like, four, 4, whatever TEEN all like, uh.

Bye!!!!!!!!!!!

(so so so so so so so sorry about the wait! AAACK! Okay… This week is spring break for me…. I'll try to get more out this week!!!)

Bye furrealll!!!


	17. REAL STRAWBERRIES, ALL

Whoo!

Chapter 15!!!

Yeah.

God – sorry I've been taking so long! But I think this is a good chapter, so ya! Plus, my grade is going on a school trip for three days next week, so don't expect to hear from me then, kay? But don't worry! I have already started writing Chapter 16, and will bring my notebook on the trip!!!!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own warriors. Okay????? Don't you KNOW THAT BY NOW? And why would I own warriors? Like, seriously! They wouldn't just come up to some random 14-year-old and be all, "Congratulations, you now own warriors?"

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Pinkpool opened her eyes groggily, and looked around at a blurry room. _Gawlly,_ she thought. _Are we in the blurry room? I didn't know there was a blurry room! Or, maybe I need glasses! Do cats _ever_ need glasses? Would I look good in glasses? Maybe those red ones from that commercial… _Pinkpool closed her eyes. "Glasses Commercial…" she muttered, and then sniffed and rolled over.

"Like, God, uh," commented Plenty, who was sitting on a cerulean (haha… Crayola Crayons) bean bag chair, in the nurse's office. There were bean bag chairs everywhere, dotting the lime-green floor, and ALL of them were crayon colors (curse you, Crayola! FOR POISONING MY MIND WITH YOUR COLORFUL, NON-TOXIC FUN! Hey, are there even_ toxic_ crayons?!?). One was "Melon." Another was "razzmatazz" (or something like that… usually, I don't sit around memorizing crayon colors ), and one was "cadet blue" (Ugh… that color's so ugly! It's all… CADET).

Plenty sniffed, and continued (after being interrupted by my crayon rant…), "Like, god, uh, this is all bad, worse, whatever, than all, like uh, before, uh, uh. The Nurse, like?"

"Y-y-y-y-y-y-yes sweetie?" asked The Nurse at once, twitching and spazzing. "W-w-w-w-w-what is the m-matter?"

"Pink uh, patch, pool, whatever, uh…" Plenty stared into space for 7 seconds. "Oh, yeah. All is, like, concussion, all."

"Oh!!!!!!!" The Nurse twitched, then, her smile shattered into a frown. Tears started streaming down her face. "I HATE MY LIFE!! WHY AM I EVEN _HERE?_ THEY TOOK ME HERE! THOSE STUPID CATS! I HAD A LIFE! I WAS A GOOD MOTHER! CAN'T SOMEONE GO GROCERY SHOPPING WITHOUT BEING TIED UP AND GAGGED BY A BUNCH OF CATS, AND THEN THROWN INTO A ROOM???? ALL I NEEDED WAS SOME SPECIAL K CEREAL AND SOME LAUGHING COW CHEESE (a French Favorite!). BUT NOOOO!!!! I HAVE TO – I have to…" Then, suddenly, she went still and blank-faced. 14 minutes later, she smiled again. "O-o-o-ohh! Would she like a_ BAND-AID?"_

Suddenly, Pinkpool's blood-shot blue eyes snapped open again. "Deviled eggs," she murmured, and then licked her lips and rolled onto her stomach. She was lying in the middle of the floor. The Nurse's office smelled like rubber, and sick kids (ew. God I hate the nurse's office…). In one chair was a catfish, just lying there, with a few flies flying around it. In another chair was the Hamburger Helper hand, who had broken his arm (wait… how can a Hand break its arm!?!?!? AACK!!!). And then in one chair, was a pineapple; next to it sat a middle-aged man, in a yellow sweater vest, who kept glancing at it nervously.

"Well, all, what…" Plenty glanced at Pinkpool, who kept raising one eyebrow, and then the other, as she slept. "Noooo. All, band-aid, bandages, whatever, don't all help with uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Uh. Uhh… uh, uh…UHHH…" The Nurse smacked him in the head. "With all, uh… concus –like – sions. All." Plenty blinked at her. She blinked back. Then, she frowned again.

"WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS, YOU FREAK?" she exploded at him. "I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE HERE RIGHT NOW! I COULD BE AT HOME, WITH MY FAMILY, PLUNGING INTO A DELICIOUS BOWL OF SPECIAL K CEREAL WITH _REAL_ STRAWBERRIES! _REAL STRAWBERRIES!_" she spat. Then, still and blank-faced again. 12 minutes later: "What about some ICE? Hmm? Hmmmmmm???" She grinned freakishly at him.

Plenty blinked tiredly. "All, you uh, what? Oh yeah… SUCK." (Wow… so direct from someone like Plenty! Slightly mean, too.).

"WHAT?" The Nurse shrieked, standing up, causing the middle-aged man to squeal and slap the pineapple, and the catfish to well, continue sitting there. "SUCK?_ ME?_ STRAWS SUCK! NOT MEEEE!!! _STRAWS!! STRAWS! STRAWWWSS!! STR… _straws…" She blinked at Plenty again. "Straws." She said, dazed. While she sat there, in her straw-daze, Plenty grabbed Pinkpool (who was now singing softly, "Who can take the sunshine… sprinkle it with dew… cover it with chocolate and a miracle or two… the candy man… the candy man can…"), and strolled out the door.

Meanwhile…

Snowstar and Starnight padded through the endless hallways. In the last 20 minutes, they had been in the Lipstick room (both cats had traces of red and pink LUSCIOUS colors that last ALL DAY), the Kraft American Cheese Singles Room (It's MY Cheese!), and the fluffy-towels-that-they-have-mountains-of-at-Bed-Bath-and-Beyond room (you know, when you come up the escalator, and there are all those _towels_ there, and they're so FLUFFY, and organized by color and what not! It seriously makes me want to buy them!). Starnight frowned as she walked, still plucking plastic cheese wrappers off of her fur. "I'm hungry," she whined.

"Well," answered Snowstar, who was stuffing his face with Kraft Singles, "We _were_ just in a room full of CHEESE…"

"Yeah," continued Starnight, grimacing at Snowstar's cheese covered face. "But it's… _American Cheese_."

Snowstar chewed and swallowed. "So?"

"It's all, bright orange, and thin, and so, not cheese. I mean, I've never seen that much orange in my life! Are there any rest stops around? I could use a Cinnabon right now…"

"No, there _aren't!"_ snapped Snowstar, opening another single; Starnight glared at it and made a you-make-me-sick face. "Look, do you want some cheese?"

"NO!" Starnight shrieked, echoing through the halls, and causing a sloth to fall from the ceiling (eh…?). "I – DO – NOT – WANT – ANY – AMERICAN – CHEESE! Don't you _see_ that by now?!?!? I mean, I'm gonna barf if you shove another one of those scraps of orange artificialness into my face!" Starnight panted with anger.

Snowstar blinked. "Oh well," he said. "More fer me." He squinched his nose at the sloth, who was staring at the cheese. "For _me_." He said to it, and it looked at him, then, it flew foward, plummeting Snowstar, grabbed the cheese in its mouth, and swooped back up to the never-ending ceiling.

Snowstar and Starnight looked in awe at the ceiling. "Holy sardine poptarts!" squeaked Snowstar. "He can do that Butterpelt thing!" The two cats looked at each other, and then kept walking.

"So what am I supposed to eat?" cried Starnight. "There _has_ to be a gas station, or a rest stop, or some fast food restaurant around here!"

"Hold on," muttered Snowstar. "Let's look in the guide." He brought out (from who-knows-where) a guide that had a confused cat on the cover, and that said in yellow letters:

"**THE GUIDE TO EVERYTHING. EVER. LIKE, SERIOUSLY."**

Snowstar, with Starnight over his shoulder, flipped through the many pages until he got the place labeled, "**The Snowclan Warriors' Den**." Not-Surprisingly, it took up a very large portion of the book!

"Ah!" meowed Snowstar. "Here! We are…" he moved his paw across the ginormous, like, map. "Here! I think! Cause this is where the Tang (it's a kick in a glass. Gawd… "glass" sounds too much like _another_ word…) room is." The door had an Orangutan outside who kept licking its lips and looking at all the cheese still held in Snowstar's mouth.

"Okay," continued Snowstar, looking back down. "Oh look, there's a Shoney's about 6 miles from here. Want to go there? There's a buffet!" He glanced at Starnight, whose eye was twitching. "Okay, then." He squinted back down at the book. "Okay, there _is_ a Cinnabon," Starnight's face brightened, "But, it's in Canada. Why it's in this part of the book, I don't know." (Muahaha… to torture people who want Cinnabons, of course ).

Starnight gave out a cry and buried her face into the ground. Suddenly, Snowstar gasped.

"Ah!" he gasped, and Starnight gave out a muffled grunt. "There's a Starbucks down the road – I mean hallway – we could go there!"

Starnight grunted and started to stalk down the hall again, her tail raised (and twitching).

Plenty was dragging Pinkpool with his mouth down the hallways, his eyes fleeting back and forth at the grey doors. _Like god,_ he thought. _Are there any all, concussion rooms, like uh?_ And all magically whatever, there was a room labeled "Any all concussion rooms like uh (and Hermint Crabs)."

"Like God!" said Plenty, in awe. "It's all, convenient, coincidental, whatever, all." He opened the door, and dragged Pinkpool inside.

"Base times height divided by two…" Pinkpool groaned, and her whiskers twitched.

END OF CHAPTERE FIFTEEN

(Ack!!! Ever since I wrote this chapter, I've been saying "all" at the end of all my sentences!! So has BuTTErPelt27, who doesn't WRITE chapters anymore, but still READS them!)


	18. And you ask how I lost my eye

Ahoy!

Be readin' chapter 16, if yee dare!

DISCLAIMER: MAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't own warriors!!!

CHAPTER 16 (arrrrR)

Snowstar and Starnight stood outside of the Starbucks. The "C" in "Bucks" ad fallen off, and there was a nest holding three creepily large and glowing green eggs inside, sitting on top of the logo. The green paint on the building was chipping, and the sign on the door said, "Open, Closed, I don't care."

"Well," Snowstar gulped, and glanced at Starnight, who was standing next to him, still blank-faced. "It's either this, or those three green eggs up there." The two cats looked up at the eggs; on of them was turning purple, and one had the faint sound of Frank Sinatra coming from it.

Starnight grunted and started to move towards the café. She pushed open the door, and one of those jingly things (they always scare me! Seriously! EVERY TIME!!) sounded. At one table, a grizzly old orange cat looked at them with his one eye; across from him sat a sleeping gray she-cat, whose arm kept moving up and down as she slept. At one table was Morgan Freeman, and at one was Mr. Clean sitting across from a Golden Retriever in a speedo (snerk… speedo!).

Snowstar gulped again. "Er," he meeped nervously, as Mr. Clean stared at him (with his bald, white-eyebrowed, earing glory). "Where do you wanna sit?"

Starnight eyed the dog in a speedo with a grimace while she padded (maha… word from warriors! I wish _I _could pad…) to the table between the old cats and Morgan Freeman. As they settled into their seats, Morgan turned to them suddenly and said:

"Hello. My name is Morgan Freeman. I've played all _kinds_ of roles, from G-d, to a disembodied voice that lives in Antarctica and follows penguins around." He turned back to his Danish.

Starnight's eyes fleeted over to the old gray cat besides her, who's arm had gone hay-wire as she snored, flying up and down, occasionally knocking over something on the table. Starnight let out an alarmed squeak before turning slowly back to the table.

Snowstar trotted over to the ordering counter, and smiled at the girl behind it. She scowled back. She had a black hoodie that said "Get out of my Face" on it over her uniform with the hood up over her half-covered-with-hair face.

_**"Hello," she grumbled. "My name is CLAW. How can I NOT help you?**_" Her eye-liner covered eyes narrowed at Snowstar's wide open eyes.

"SABRINA!!!" a voice shrieked from the kitchen, and CLAW winced. "STOP BEING ALL, _EVIL_ to the CUSTOMERS! IT'S NOT VERY _**NIcE!**_!"

CLAW growled. "_**I TOLD you! My name is CLAW!**_" CLAW glared at a shocked Snowstar one last time, and then backed into the shadows (there are shadows at Starbucks? Gaw! Haw… haven't said that in a while!).

"Er..." Snowstar murmured. "Okay." He trotted back over to the table, where Starnight was on the edge of the chair, trying to stay as far away from the gray cat as possible, whose arm was moving in full circles now, sending coffee and croissants flying all over the restaurant. The golden retriever barked as a pastry hit in the side of the head.

"Meh…" Snowstar gulped AGAIN. Then, he glanced at the orange cat. He stared one-eyed back at him.

"And you wonder how I lost my eye," he growled, and sniffed.

"OKAY," Snowstar boomed, grabbing a shocked Starnight's wrist. "WE ARE LEAVING. RIGHT NOW."

He dragged Starnight out of the door.

The Night was still. Leaves blew around the camp, and warriors and apprentices were sleeping in their dens, peacefully. Not a sound.

The Silhouette of a cat stood on top of the highrock. The wind was blowing through its fur, and it held its head up high. Then, it leaped down onto the ground with a gentle thud, trying not to wake up the rest of the clan.

Okay. I'm done with that. Just wanted to do a BEGINNING, like you know, in the book, where it's the PROLOGUE, and then a picture of a cat, and then the text with like, nameless cats nn' stuff? Yeah. Okay… continuing.

"Okay everybody!!!!!!" screeched the cat into the night, and swearing was heard from the warriors' den (Brindleflower… duh). "WAKE UP!!!! It's time for the RAID!!!!!!"

"WHA..?" mewed a groggy voice from the apprentices box -- I mean den.

"The RAID!!!! On the JANITORS!!! NOW!!" growled Rabbitwhisker, back. "DON't MAKE ME GET OUT THE ALARM CLOCK! IT'LL BE ALL, 'BEEEEP! BEEEP! BEEP!!!! BEEEEEEP!!!!'"

"OKAY!!!!! NOW CAN WE GO OFF OF CAPSLOCK? MY VOICE IS GETTING TIRED!" SQUEALED TRACKFOOT FROM THE WARRIORS DEN.

"NO!!!!!" SPAT RABBITWHISKER. "YOU GUYS GOTTA GET FIRED UP!!!!!!!!!"

Slowly, WHOOPS, I MEAN SLOWLY, THE CLAN BEGAN TO PILE OUT INTO THE CLEARING (ALL EXCPET BRINDLEFLOWER. "PRATS!!!" SHE HISSED FROM INSIDE, AND WENT BACK TO SLEEP.)

"OKAY," SAID RABBITWHISKER FROM THE HIGHROCK (HOW'D HE GET BACK UP THERE?). "BEFORE WE GO, WE GOTTA MAKE BRANCHKIT, BIRDKIT, AND PINEKIT INTO APPRENTICES!" (Usually, the kits would be "wriggling excitedly at the base of the Highrock, their pelts slick and shiny." But who wants to WRIGGLE at six AM?).

"OKAY," RABBITWHISKER STARTED AGAIN. "I DUNNO IF I'M ALLOWED TO DO THIS, BUT OH WELL!!!! OKAY. FIRST, BRANCHKIT."

Branchkit slugged onto the Highrock, his eyes droopy and his pelt not slick and shiny. When he got there, he plopped onto the rock, one eye closed more than the other.

"Okay," Rabbitwhisker ehemed. He was feeling pretty good about himself. Now that he had found his confidence in Snowstar's sock drawer, he felt once again like he could lead his clan. "From this moment on, you will be known as Branchpaw." Rabbitwhisker stuck his ear out to the clan.

"Er, yeah," said a cat, and the others joined in. "Brrranchpaww.. pawww.. br…" Silence.

"Erm…" Rabbitwhisker looked at Branchpaw sympathetically, but Branchpaw too was sitting there going, "Branchpaw… Branchpaw… who's Branchpaw…?" Branchpaw fell asleep. Rabbitwhisker gulped. "Okay. Er, who wants to mentor him? Anyone? Anyone? Er, what about uh… Brambleclaw?"

"HE ALREADY HAS ONE!" shouted someone.

"Oh… er… um, Nightwind can have him." Rabbitwhisker took a snore from the crowd as an agreement, and pushed the sleeping Branchpaw gently off of the rock. He fell with a thud.

"Okay. Uh. Birdkit next!" Cricket. Cricket. "BIRDKIT!!!!!!!!!!!" Cricket. Cricket. Rabbitwhisker smacked his forehead and walked angrily down the highrock to drag a sleeping Birdkit up with him. "Ehem. Okay. You will be known as Birdpaw. Okay?" Birdpaw slept on. "OKAY? OKAYYYY????" Birdpaw's bloodshot eyes shot open at Rabbitwhisker's shriek.

"MURDERER!!!!!!!!!!!! MURDERER!!!!!!! MURDERER!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She leapt off of the highrock and ran out the forest. After the sound of some scrabbling, another thud was heard; she had fallen asleep.

Rabbitwhisker sniffed. "Er… she'll get a mentor… eventually… uh… should I even attempt to do Pinekit?"

Suddenly, Pinekit started trotting, actually AWAKE, towards the highrock. She padded her lil pads right on up there, and settled, tail up, next to Rabbitwhisker. "Hi!" she squeaked, looking up at him with amber eyes. She had a white pelt with brown patches.

"Er." Rabbitwhisker looked at her. "Are you real?"

"Yeah!!!!" she squeaked, and ran around in a circle before settling again. "I wake up at 5:30 every morning!! For some reason though, it makes my mommy say these words I dunno…" she smiled innocently up at him.

"Er." Said Rabbitwhisker again. "Okay. You will be known as PINEPAW. And I will take you on as my own apprentice."

"NNKAY!!!" Pinepaw flew magically off the highrock onto the ground. "I'm gonna go run in circles for a while, kay?"

END OF CHAPTER SIXTEEN. WHOAH.


	19. THEYVE GOT MY VASELINE!

GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DIDN'T WRITE FOR SO LOOOONNNNNNG!!!!!!!!! It's just that I got sick and then I got my braces off (dances) and then like MRAHHH and this state History test boo!!! And yea. Sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay: here's the chapter! Seriously!!! But just warning you! I leave for camp in like 2 weeks so yea! But I shall get one or two more chapters out before then!!! Promise! Okay! Here's the chapter BEFORE I added all this junk you don't care about!!!

You can't stop the motion of the ocean or the sun in the sky! You can wonder if you wanna but I never ask why! And if you try to pull me down I'm gonna spit in your eye and sayyyyyy THAT YOU CAN'T STOP THE BEAT!

Ew.

Spit.

Yeah… Hairspray. Have you ever seen it: 3

**DISCLAIMER:** You can't stop the beat! Or the fact that I STILL don't own warriors, and I never will! Oh wait, watch this!

**DISCLAIMER, X 3!!!!!  
**

Now I don't have to put it in for the next three chapters, right?

Oh whatever. I'll just put it in. But I'm running out of ways to complain about it…

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Plenty tried not to step on the hermit crabs as he walked over to the sink in the toms' room. He put his paws under the automatic (ooooh!) sink, and thought AHHH at the luke-warm water that gently caressed his fingers (does anyone know why it's called "luke-warm?" who is LUKE?!?). Then, he reached for some refreshing, AHHH (with three H's!) worthy soap; he pushed the brown button that said PUSH on it (naww… he PULLED it!).

"Like, God!" he growled at his paw, angered to find not REFRESHING soap, but the cheap pink stuff that are ALWAYS in school bathrooms! "Why do you soaps, pink stuff, whatever, hafta BE like that, uh!" He gave one final glare at the pink goop before rinsing it off as violently as possible. Suddenly, the door creaked open, and Plenty glanced irritably behind him to see who had interrupted his rage at the soap. An old woman (WOMAN, not cat!) came creeping in slowly, hunched over, into the room. She had lipstick on her teeth, rings on her wrinkled fingers, and short curly white hair.

"Excuse me," she rasped. "Is this customer service? I'd like to return this night gown." Plenty's blue eyes widened as the lady took out of her (flower-print) hand-bag the frilliest, pinkest night gown (with BOWS) that he had ever seen (feel free to imagine this monster – I mean nightgown – yourself!). "I-I'm sorry," she continued on feebly, "I really do like it! It's just that, well, my husband keeps _nagging_ me about how it _consumes_ him at night, or something silly like THAT!" She grinned her lipstick covered grin.

Plenty blinked at her. "Uh," he meowed. "You're all, in the tom – like 's room, all uh."

The lady squinted at him. "Uh, excuseme, what did you say?" She moved her head closer to his.

Plenty blinked again. "Like, you're in a like, MALE facility, like. All."

The old lady blinked at him, confused (ack so much blinking!). "What? Isn't this JC penny?"

Plenty rolled his eyes. "Like……. NO."

The lady pursed her (bright red…. BRIGHT RED!!!) lips, and said, "Well, then, I'll just go now…" She started to creep out of the door at ¼ mile per hour, muttering angrily about how rude young people were today.

Plenty dried his hands with (and glared at) one of those crackly brown paper towels (ack I hate those things! NEVER TRY BLOWING YOUR NOSE WITH ONE! EVER!!). Then, he made towards the door, passing the lady, who had gotten less than 2 centimeters from the doorway, now humming the theme from Sailor Moon (so that's what she does in her spare time…). Plenty walked over to the room that they had dumped Pinkpool in, and found her in a queen bed in MAROON sheets (with little pink flowers on em! Ew.). Now she was sleeping peacefully, her ear twitching, and every now and then muttering a Franklin Roosevelt quote. In the corner sat a doctor with a big goofy smile on his face. He had dark hair, brown eyes, and a little goatee. He kept smiling, and sitting up very straight, puffing his chest out. Then, he noticed Plenty.

"WHY, HELLO THERE, SON!" he boomed. "HOW CAN I HELP YOU? MY NAME IS DOCTOR WAFFLE IRON. HOW, SON, MAY I HELP YOU, SON?"

Plenty sniffed. "Like, great, all." He mewed irritably to himself. "Someone, uh, like even more annoying then uh, ME, uh." He glanced up at the beaming Dr. Waffle iron, who was staring at him with his goatee glory. "Uh—"

"I'm a trained professional!" boomed Dr. Waffle Iron.

"Well like --"

"I'M A TRAINED PROFESSIONAL!!!!!"

" –"

"I'M A TRAINED PROFFESIONAL, GODAMMIT!" Dr. Waffle Iron smiled even wider.

Plenty, seething, screeched in a very not plenty voice: "GO DIE, YOU CRAZY WALNUT!!"

Dr. Waffle Iron smiled even WIDER. "Will do! Would you prefer being mashed into a pulp, or being stabbed to death with an old French fry?"

Plenty blinked at the goatee. "Uh," he stifled, back to being Plenty. "Like, why do you doctors, people, cats, whatever, have to like, BE like that uh? Just, uh, go do whatever – BOTH, at the same time!"

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOGER that!!!!!!!!!" Dr. Waffle Iron bellowed, and then marched out the door, his goatee falling off as he walked (WTF!?!).

Plenty glared at the marching doofus one more time before turning his attention to Pinkpool.

"The only thing to fear…" she muttered, matter a factly. "Is fear itself." She nodded slightly in her sleep, making a face that said "Geez Louise! That Makes SENSE!"

Plenty sat next to her on the bed, and prodded her with his paw. Her eyes snapped open.

"GARY COLEMAN?!?!?!" she screeched. "IS THAT YOU!!?!?!?!!" She glanced at a mortified Plenty, and then calmed down. "Oh. It's you! Listen! I had a dream!!!!!"

One of Plenty's eyes started sagging.

Pinkpool continued. "Really!!!! Sunfur came! And she was all. PINKPOOL!!!!!!!!!!! SOMETHING LIKE, BAD IS GONNA HAPPENNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh and by the way love is in your future. Kay bye!"

Plenty inhaled deeply. "………………Oh."

Pinkpool ripped out of bed, grabbing Plenty's paw. "Come on! We have to go! Now!!!!!!"

They bolted through the uh, clinic, crashing into the old lady, who fell onto the floor, screaming, "Help!!! They've got my Vaseline!!!" (she's not healthy….).

THE END (it's a little short, but I REALLY wanted to get it up! I was half way done with it like, a week after the last one was up but then all this STUFF came!!!!!!! Kay bye!)


	20. Blue Rasberry Flavored!

dances I ACTUALLY GOT THIS CHAPTER UP RELATIVELY ON TIME!!!!!

YAY!

**Disclaimer**__Hm… what would I do if I _actually_ owned warriors… have tea with it (mm… I like Green tea. What do you like?)

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Snowstar panted, dragging himself – and Starnight – through the highly air-conditioned wilderness. "Starnight," he croaked. "I think we should return… home…"  
"Since when…" wheezed Starnight. "Do you say… RETURN!?! Can't you just say GO BACK!?!?!?!?!?!?! But anyway…" Starnight pried herself from Snowstar's grip (mouth? Paw? I dunno!), licking the traces of desperately-needed-to-be-vacuumed-carpet off of her fur. "Just because I dozed off while walking didn't mean you had to _carry me!_"

"Oh," Snowstar murmured, forgetting to wheeze or croak. "Well, where are we?" Snowstar looked around at the doors:

"Tongues."

"Pear Recovery."

"Peanut Butter and _Jam_. Ohh!!!"

"Guam."

"Mm," Snowstar stared at the doors, hard. Then, he turned to Starnight. "Have you ever been to Guam?"  
All of a sudden, the Guam door opened, and a tour guide with high socks and a green polo shirt (and SHORT SHORTS! Is it a guy or a girl? Who KNOWS!?!).

"Okay, everyone," the tour guide sniffed with its freckled nose, standing to the side of the door, letting many tanned tourists pile out. "That's the finish of our tour of _all_ of Guam! Bye now – don't forget to visit our gift shop, which is conveniently located 4 miles away!"

"Well, Marge," rumbled a male tourist. "What you wanna do now, hon?"

"I know!" squealed his wife. "Let's go to a French restaurant and pronounce everything wrong!"

"Why not? Come on, sweets."

Starnight and Snowstar watched all different shapes and sizes of tourists stomp out of the door. Then, Snowstar's eyes opened wide.

"HOLY WINDEX FLAVORED TIC TACS!"

"What?" asked Starnight. "I mean, that last tourist _was_ kind of ugly, but you didn't have to _shout…_"

"No!!!!!!!!!" squeaked Snowstar, jumping up and down. "It's First-aidfork and Petalpaw!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"WHAT!?" shrieked Starnight, causing some tourists to look nervous, and others to take out their picture phones. "WHERE?!"

Snowstar ran into the Guam room and onto the nearest beach. Starnight followed, heaving as she desperately tried to catch up with the spazzing Snowstar.

And it was!! On the beach lay a Petalpaw and a First-aidequipment, laying on a Pink towel with TROPICAL (ooo!) floral designs. Both wore cheap CVS bought sunglasses, and their tails were intertwined.

"FIRST-AIDEQUIPMENT!!!!!" screeched Starnight, ripping through the sand. A tear came to her eye as his white ears pricked, but was interrupted as she tripped over something large and expensive. She fell in the sand, whiskers full of it (which has a diameter of 0.2 to 0.0009 cm! It contains of mostly quartz, feldspar, and clay minerals; may contain fragments of other rocks and minerals! AAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!! EARTH SCIENCE!!!!! IT'S POISONED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay… get a grip now… whooo…. Think of something ELSE. Like the moon and the stars!!! Arghh!!! Polaris!!!! How high it is in the sky in the northern hemisphere tells you your latitude!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! explodes).

First-aidequipment turned his head. His red cross SHINED WITH THE SUN. Then, he saw Starnight, and his blue eyes rounded. "St-st-st-starnight??!?!??!!??!" he leapt off the towel and started bounding towards the dead Starnight. Petalpaw's ears pricked with surprise, and she pushed down her sunglasses as she glanced behind herself. After staring with her half closed eyes, she blinked once and turned back to the GAWRGOUS Guam sea.

Snowstar ran up to First-aidequipment, past Starnight, and screeched, "FIRST-AIDFLOSS!!!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!?!?!?!?!"

First-equipment blinked, confused. "Um, _here_?"

Snowstar heaved. "Well you could have TOLD US THAT!!!!!! I mean, come on! We have _Optimum Voice!!!!_ That comes with REWARDS!!!!!!"

First-aidequipment padded past the seething Snowstar (muaha… I love that word – SEETHING… sounds like something's smoking… yummy… barbeque…), and stood next to the sand-consumed Starnight. "Starnight?" he whispered. "Is that _you??????????????_"

"Grrammmmphhhhhwqwreeg!!!" sanded Starnight.

"Gawlly!!!" shrieked First-aidequipment. "Petalpaw!! Com'ere!!! It's Starnight!!!!!!!!"

"Well, DUH," Petalpaw mewed, padding towards them, deserting their towel, (from behind a tree, a voice screamed, "NOW!!!!!!!!!" two tourists burst from behind the trees, the man carrying the woman. Then, he dumped her on the towel. "We don't need money to relax, honey!" he shouted triumphantly. "HURRY!! RELAX WHILE THEY'RE NOT LOOKING!!!!!!!!!!!"). "I _knew_ she was coming. I know when _everything_ is coming. Come _on_. I check everyday. Oh, and it'll get cloudier with some chance of rain later on today."

"Sweetie!" squawked First-aidequipment. "You're brilliant!" Petalpaw smacked his shoulder playfully (with her tail?).

"Oh, STAWP, you're embarrassing me!"

"But you are!!!" he beamed at her. "Come on! Let's go have CELEBRATORY SNOCONES!!!!"

"Shmee!" squealed Petalpaw, intertwining her tail with his as they trotted away. Starnight sighed as she watched them.

"Do you really think we should take them back?" she asked Snowstar. "I mean, they're so _happy_ here." She sighed again as she heard First-aidequipment excitedly tell Petalpaw how the Snocones were Blue Raspberry flavored.

Snowstar sighed too. "Well," he sighed, "I'd agree with you, but I have to be all fatherly and say that it's for their own good and my brow has to become all serious even though by the end of the movie I'll let them go."

Starnight blinked. "Oh," she muttered. "Snowstar? Have you been watching –"

Snowstar looked alarmed.

" -- ROMANTIC COMEDIES?"

His lip trembled. "YES!!!! OKAY? YES!!! I CAN'T RESIST THEM!! DREW BARRYMORE?! JOHN CUSACK!?!? HUGH GRANT?! These people are GREAT!!"Starnight sighed (gah!! How many times can one sigh before all traces of oxygen in their bodies are GONE!?!? I mean seriously! They should be like, deflated by now!!! Like BALLOONS!!!!!!!). "Well, okay. But, the clan won't like it when you bring home a horse that can never be ridden again and they want to ride it and _say_ it can be ridden and then they try to ride it and get hurt and you get mad and want to put the horse to sleep and –" Starnight stopped when she realized that Snowstar was gaping at her. "Wh-what?"

"YOU watch HORSE MOVIES?!?!"

Starnight cleared her throat. "Well, I mean, they're really inspirational, even though they all have the same story…"

Snowstar and Starnight SIGHED.

END OF CHAPTER NINETEEN

(By the way… I'm leaving for camp tomorrow… so I just wanted to post this before I leave!!! So don't expect to hear from me for two weeks! Even though sometimes you don't hear from me for 4 years… but sorry! Bye!!!! Enjoy!!!!!!!)


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